2001:November:5
2001
The "reason" for the fight? I'm a freak about Sunday. I hate my mon-fri work crap so much that Sunday becomes a mini "last day of life" AND I have a habit of wanting to do things at the time, and saying "yes, we'll see you there" and then when the actual time comes to do them, I'm not in the mood (and this is usually if anything is a school night).
Sunday, November 4th:
2pm: Sooo, after this great brunch we had with a loving vibe of all our friends, we made plans to go to pub trivia.
4pm: Mark asks if I still want to go to pub trivia. I had already forgotten about it, and I viewed myself as saying that I wasn't too into it, we'll see how we feel at 9pm. MARK's TAKE: We're still going to Pub Trivia, but we'll know for sure at 9pm
7pm: Mark mentions that Pub Trivia is two hours away. Do we think we can make it? It's already so cozy in our little nest. I shrug thinking this indicates my ambivilence about going. MARK's TAKE: We're still going to pub trivia but will know for sure at 9pm
8:30pm: Mark talks about calling eric back and wonders if he wants to take a whole hour out of our Sunday. I say something like: sure, I can finish reading my book while you talk to Eric and then we'll regroup and watch Farscape. MARK's TAKE: We'll see how we feel in an hour. He doesn't hear the words "watch Farscape" but hears "regroup after talk to Eric"
9:15pm: Mark comes into the bedroom, lays down next to me and says: "are we going to trivia night?" He says it in a sort of sheepish, shy way. I immediately think "damn, he's been mentioning this trivia night thing all day, and I pretty much stated that I haven't been in the mood since 3pm today (when I started to feel my Sunday slipping away). Why the hell did he agree to a boring night of watching Farscape with me if he wanted to go to trivia?" My feeling are slightly hurt, but I'm thinking he is unemployed and free why would he want to spend a boring Sunday watching tv with his zit-faced fatter ugly wife. I SAY: "I'm not going, but you can go if you want to". He says "should I go? I'm not sure. I guess I'll go. We did say we were going." I say "Now are you going because you want to see your friends and really want to go or are you going because you feel catholic-guilt obligated?" (this sentence starts the basis for the crux of the argument later) He says "no, I WANT to go." I say nothing while he starts to change clothes. I'm seething a bit - why the f- didn't he just SAY he wanted to go the whole time instead of agreeing to watch gay farscape with boring, low-paying jobbed, slack-assed student me? THEN, I say "Well, I'm going to watch Farscape without you. You can see it all week when you're unemployed." He says "OK". Then proceeds to get dressed. I say something to the effect of "you can watch farscape, play on your computer, go see your friends all by yourself because it certainly is a lot more fun than hanging out with me". Let the games begin.
The summation? Mark and I are wedded together for the rest of our lives. This fight means nothing except something from which to learn. The more I get to know Mark, the more I realize that he professes to be this simple, straightforward person but actually he's just like me except he concentrates in different areas of life: he's technical, proud, and desperately wants to measure up to society (probably his father at this point). I'm self-reverential, self-referential and I care about nothing except themes, reasons, links, and humans. I want to save the world by saving myself first. He doesn't know what he wants or how to get it. I love him beyond question. Literally.
Please keep in mind: More than usual, these posts have been my totally biased opinion. I'm usually waaaaaaay off from Mark's perceptions.
