2001:November:19
2001
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!
I just realized that I should put in a "reminder" about my previous post (and funnily ha ha ha enough I ALMOST put an "editor's note" in front of it but thought "bah !@#!$ surely this one is well explained and won't blow up in my face..... Plus I didn't really know what to say 'warning: this could be (fill in the blank: paranoid, explosive, a teacup storm, etc"). Well, please remember, I am totally an overly sensitive paranoid freak who hasn't done any "stretching" socialization in a long time. DO YOU KNOW how long it's been since I've noticed someone not saying goodbye to me? At least a year, and that means GREAT PROGRESS (Back when I was even more insecure, it would be every person every day). I've been in a "comfort zone" for what feels like months. I sit in the backyard with my close friends and drink beer and smoke pot. I haven't been out there among you in a while. Also, please remember that I'm truly fascinated with social dynamics, vibes, relationships between people, girls, and of course me, me, me related to all of them. This website is truly a look into my twisted, mind. I don't hold back and only post the flattering side of me (god knows). All of MY cards (of the fleeting moment) are on the table. I am most definitely NOT an arbiter of truth. I suppose I should have told you that I'm one of those people who plays games with filling in all the info I don't know about someone. This means that I'm constantly updating my files and analyzing what people said, eye contact, etc. It makes sense if you realize that I was from a family where no one said what they were thinking - bah! It was all smiles and bullshit. I've done the classic thing (something that I've lambasted others for) of rebelling against something and perhaps not "just being me". I say (on the Internet) things that I think even if it "gets me in trouble". I don't want to think something and not tell you. To me, that festering unspoken thing becomes yet another "lie" you'll have to remember later. As in "oh yeah, what am I going to pretend that I feel about this person because she doesn't know that I know such and such". But again, I'm also not going to run up to someone who doesn't care and say "I have an issue with you, and let's suss it out girlfriend." AND, I'm totally biased. This is one-sided. Basically, I just said that someone out there seems to dislike me and here's why I think so (paranoid me).
Oh was this too much explanation?
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