On one side, I feel that I must kick you in the balls, because you have willingly taken on the role of our Matt Johnson (although I'm sure he didn't mention the ball kicking vendetta that was going to be transferred to you when you took the apartment.) You are the ball kicking proxy, and duty dictates that you are the man that must bear the responsibilty of being the kickee.
However, the other side of my reserves a special place in my heart for the real Matt Johnson's balls. I don't know if it is sentimentality, loyalty, or just a foolish crush - but I feel that I must kick Matt's balls.
Would it be fair to kick both sets of balls - both yours and Matt's?
I don't know the answer to this ages old question.
Perhaps I should simply kick you in the balls and find out.