By order of the town drunk Hear ye, hear ye! Victoria's BF shall from hereon be known as "Biff." Yes, yes, I know, there are some of you out there who were convinced he might in fact be Brett Favre, or Bubba Franks, due to their both playing football in Wisconsin. But I think you're wrong. Victoria would be sure to tell us if she was dating Brett or Bubba.
Nope. It's Biff. You know Biff. He's works stocking shelves down at the Five and Dime down on Main Street, just by the Whippy Dip. You can often see him cruising down the strip on a Friday night in that cherry red convertible his pappy bought him, when he's not wowing all the ladies as the high school quarterback. I think they really could go all the way to Regionals this year, if he just gets his head on straight.
And I hear Biff is really trying. This thing with Victoria seems to be working out, doesn't it? He gave her his class ring over a chocolate malted just last weekend. Boy, that really broke the hearts of most of the cheerleading squad. Don't worry, though. They'll get over it. Cindy and Betty seem to have already moved onóCindy even was seen wearing Skip's letterman jacket. Skip and Biff haven't taken the girls out on a double date yet, but the way those two carry on, we should be expecting that at any time now.
Those crazy kids. Do you remember when Skip and Biff were caught by Old Man Harris TPing his barn? They're lucky he just sprayed them down with the hose. Old Man Harris hasn't been right in the head since the war. Those peashooters he's always polishing might not be quite like the Garand he used to sling, but they can still leave a mark, I tell you what.
Ayuh, Biff and Vicky seem to be getting pretty serious these days. I suspect she'll be asking him to the Sadie Hawkins dance any day now. Her mother, bless her soul, must be so proud. We don't see her much these days, what with her rheumatiz acting up all the time, but back in the day, she was a real looker.
Oh well. I've been jawing at you enough. Do you have any more of that applejack you used to make back during the Great Experiment? I still dream about that stuffócleaned all the demons out, and filled the potholes in my soul.
Oh, and "Solstice Creator"? You're now just Kristen. Pass the rotgut.