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Albert and the Underwear Man
by nate
Dress Code
by nate
Alone
by Corinn
Dance for me
by nate

"Reading is fun" - the happyrobot collection of stories, rants, straight-out lies, articles, reviews, poetry, wookie fan fictionů um, what else?

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Left Digestion
by Exley Steward
tamara's superfreak, superfreak, superfreakin' day
by tamara
Halloween Parade
by nate
Crime and Punishment
by Eve
John Mohammad's opening statement
by mike
Who Wants To Annoy A Millionaire?
by Eddie
You must be from the East Coast
by Eve
Hypodermic Pixie Stick
by Eddie
Lego Car
by Eddie
Myths of Hawaii
by Eve
sunday night cab ride
by raquel
Reading is fun




Left Digestion
by Exley Steward
Thursday, February 12, 2004

Olga is still caught in Felix's pants

page: 4

The next hour travels very slowly through Henry's mind. It is hard to sit there and wait while trying to act normally in an uncomfortable situation. How strong will it be? How crazy will it get? The answers are on their way on a tsunami of green ingestion. He makes shapes out of his napkins to pass the time. He makes a swan, a leopard, a demolition crane and is just starting on a Braille bible when he feels it. His eyes close slightly, fighting an ongoing battle with the brightly lit room. He looks at his mom and his dad. They have blank looks on their faces and Henry thinks he can note a hint of confusion.

Then he hears Mary-Beth Ruffenbacher quietly state: "I feel funny."
Here it comes. Here comes the beast. There is evidence of heavy breathing from all parties. Felix looks like he is scared out of his mind and Henry certainly does not blame him. It is good stuff- way too good for the old folks. Olga goes to the kitchen to get some snacks. Everyone suddenly gets up and walks to the couches in the TV room. There is a strange silence: the sound of utter confusion and lack of experience, the quiet before the mental storm. Henry puts on some music to quiet the goblins eating away at his psyche.

Olga reappears with a bowl of nuts and a canister of assorted soybean treats. She starts to dance a little as she walks. She is smiling. Suddenly Felix jumps up and lets out a low grumble. He removes his shirt, rolls it into a ball and shoves it into his underwear. Mary-Beth and Olga start laughing hysterically. Henry giggles but sustains his laughter. His chair is very comfortable, a front row seat to a well-unplanned show. Chip hardly reacts to Felix's antics. His look is serious and unmoving. His eyes are genocide red.
"That is not funny Felix", he says and everyone stops laughing instantly.

Henry feels a pang of nervousness. The man to his left is not his father anymore. Felix takes the shirt out of his pants but it gets caught on his belt buckle. Olga tries to help him remove it but her ring gets tangled in the shirt. Chip doesn't even notice. He looks squarely at Henry but doesn't say anything then gets up slowly and walks quietly out of the room. The other three snicker and giggle like purebred idiots. Olga is still caught in Felix's pants. The laughter is almost sickening, like coffee with too much sugar or Diet Coke. It makes Henry slightly uncomfortable but he shrugs it off. He has more control than the three clueless virgins sitting huddled up on the sofa. The tape finishes. The silent situation must quickly be resolved. Since he is feeling cocky, Henry dares to play his favorite album of day, 'Positive Satan' by the Alabaman Eunuchs Choir (adapted for the commercial market by Tom Waits and Primus).

The volume is cranked. The first track tells a story about six discarded armchairs and two broken televisions that pull themselves out of the trash and join forces as a renegade gang. They terrorize the town using much violence and performing many sick rituals. The Alabaman Eunuchs are really colorful in their descriptions. This is noticeable in the second track about a little girl who eats a cup of uncooked rice, which causes her stomach to expand so much that it bursts. There is some shock on the cake-eaters' faces but one can see that they like the intensity of the sound. The party gets pretty crazy after that. Olga starts flirting with one of the candleholders in the dining room. Felix and his wife start going at it on the sofa. Man- it's a sick sight but kinda funny. Wine spills and words fly vacantly through the air. They hardly notice Henry sitting there and smiling. His mind is buzzing as he sinks back in to the comfy chair.
"Hey moma, good party isn't it?" he mumbles way too softly for her to hear. She is otherwise occupied singing the National anthem of Sierra Leone. Reserved behavior only barely manages to make it out of the apartment alive after suffering a series of injuries. Felix starts to recite poems by William Blake. Mary pours cream cheese on her hands and makes farting noises with her armpits. Soon enough there is no longer any trace of those that housed their bodies before the cake was consumed. Dancing, laughter and childlike glee spread like butter on warm toast.

The clock ticks at an unusual pace losing its grip on the structure of time. Mary-Beth is struggling. Her face is avocado green and her laughter dissolves. She vomits athletically right in front of Henry's face. It happens in slow motion as her head whiplashes backwards releasing the poison from her belly. Henry notices a small spider climbing on a nearby lampshade. Felix suddenly realizes he is not feeling so well either releasing an even more impressive stream of vomitus. Two puddles seep together taking over much of the surface of the coffee table. The spider repels off the edge of the lampshade on a thin thread. Henry is transfixed. Olga laughs but she is also crying. She does not know how she feels. Olga gets up but loses her balance, landing her squarely on the coffee table. Glass shatters and flies in all directions in a splash of bitter bile. This snaps Henry out of his arachnid adoration prematurely. The room has become a war zone. The three older cake eaters cannot even talk properly anymore and Olga cannot lift herself from the table. Henry does not need to be there any longer. He does not say good-bye and walks quietly out of the door. As he walks down the street, he sees a homeless man walking toward him spitting at the pavement and cursing the Gods of Olympus. His shirt is torn and his pants are dirty. As he approaches, Henry sees that his face is covered in mud and there is a white substance resembling mayonnaise all over his hair. There is a large leaf tucked behind his ear covering one of his eyes and a cactus in his hand. He recognizes the old man. It is his father.

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