Robot Journal : What a relief! My marriage was saved from being corrupted by those awful gays. Good job Tarheel State!

Dear North Carolina,
I was born in North Carolina and both my parents are from there. My wife is from there as is her entire family. I have many aunts and uncles and at one time I had a whole set of charming grandparents from there.

Most of my life’s big moments happened there. I went to college there. I was married there. I saw Polvo play in one of the earlier generations of the Miracle House there. I had a newspaper article written about me. Girls were kissed.

Even though I don’t currently live there right this second, it’s still my home state. I grew up in the mountains, visited grandmothers and attended college in the Piedmont, and wasted a few years of post-college life at the coast.

My father, uncle, and grandfather all graduated from UNC. Not being as motivated (smart?) as them, I didn’t attend UNC, but I did graduate from one of your other fine state schools.

I saw all three of the original Star Wars movies there.

My wife and I have our savings accounts in one of your banks. My money is helping NC residents buy homes and cars.

When people mistook you for South Carolina, I vigorously defended you.
“No, SC is the crazy inbred state with rest stops that have no facilities”
(I don’t think that highway rest stop fact is true anymore, but it was during my childhood)

I tell you all this now so that your first reaction isn’t, “Go back to liberal New York you pinko socialist!”

The point is this: Thank the God that you passed that amendment ONE! Your citizens were correct when they voted to protect the sanctity of marriage. As I mentioned above, I was married in NC. I paid for a marriage license and filled your municipal coffers. If the gays were allowed to marry, that would cheapen my marriage. The sanctity of it. Just the fact that two adults who loved each other were able to live together legally and file their taxes jointly… Just that fact would keep me up at night.
I’d start to question my marriage.

The thought of them in their bed… late at night… reading their GAY books and then (ewwwww) kissing each other goodnight.
“Did we lock our gay door?” one asks and the other has to get up and check.
Horrible. Just horrible.

*sigh*

Seriously. Thanks for protecting my marriage. I’ll be honest, a marriage is hard work and sometimes it gets shaky – as long as I know you are down there protecting it from these modern day mainstream-media-created-evils I will have that comfort and strength to make my marriage super-sanctified!