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post #856
bio: rich
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8/24/2012
08:48

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Oh, Lance

Armstrong
File this blog entry under “who asked you?”
I just got back from my morning ride (and am currently doping with this lovely coffee Mrs. Robot made) and funnily I was thinking about this whole Lance Armstrong Doping Scandal thing the entire time. Funnily, because I’ve always been pretty indifferent to Mr. Armstrong. I mean, he seems like a nice person that you’d want to hang out with (as long as he doesn’t make drink that awful Michelob Ultra or hang out with an Olsen twin or whatshername that sings) but I don’t think I was ever on TEAM LANCE (all caps).

Ha. This just came to me. I think I was never behind TEAM LANCE because of the dorky sponsors he had.

This is who he raced for...

Motorola
Motorola was a dorky company, but I can’t hate on the team as it was the next generation of the brilliant 7-11 team (never forget) that ruled the US during the 80s and 90s and founded by Jim Ochowicz. Fun fact: I’m in the middle of a book about the 7-Eleven team right now! Ask me questions!

Cofidis
Actually, I don’t know much about Cofidis as a company. They do something with money (take it? give it? make it?) but I also can’t hate on them (wait, wasn’t this the whole point (hang on)) as Cyrille Guimard started this team and he was the nutty team director who ran the outstanding Renault-Elf team back in the 80’s (see posters on wall of my childhood room).

US Postal
OK. Here we go. USPS? For real? Why did they sponsor a team? They are the worst. If they sponsored a team now, there would be debate if the team could race on Saturdays (get it? Saturdays? ah, never mind).

Discovery Channel
Ah, dork-tastic. I mean, they do Shark Week and all, but otherwise that network just seems to be cookie-cutter reality shows about solving Big Foot mysteries or logging.
(although those Myth Busters guys are on there - but I guess that kind proves the dork-tastic point)

Livestrong
Apparently he rode for his own team. Adorable.

Astana
The official bike racing team of Kazakhstan! Astana, if you didn’t know or don’t hang out in Kazakhstan that much, is the capital of Kazakhstan. The Astana team is funded by a group of Kazakhstan corporations to promote their country in the rest of the world and was basically managed by the same people who ran the Discovery team. I think they have a lot of money as they seem to be able to get a lot of great riders. They had Armstrong, Levi Leipheimer, Andreas Klöden, and everyone’s favorite finger-gun-shooter (or “finger banger” as BikeSnobNYC always said) Alberto Contador. Contador: why do I dislike him so?


Team RadioShack
OK. Here we go. KING DORK.
Radio Shack.
The home of the battery club. Dorkiest sponsor ever.



Off Topic
Oooops. Sorry. I went off topic.
My thoughts that I, um, thought about this morning while riding my bike and smirking at the guy in the Radio Shack jersey that I passed on the hill.


1. I don’t know how all these doping and racing organizations work. They seem real complicated.

2. Armstrong’s statement that he was tired of fighting the charges seems sadly disingenuous. This is a man who fought cancer. This is a man who won seven Tour de France (I mean, even IF he was doping, he still rode all the stages which is a pretty incredible feat in itself). Fighting some bureaucrats is a pain, but it’s not cancer or a mountain stage in the Tour.

3. They must have had something super damning.


4. Isn’t there a statute of limitations with these people? His first TDF win was 1999. Really? We’re going to dispute that race from 13 years ago?
C’mon!


5. Bottom line: his urine samples never tested positive. Ever. Right? I mean, nothing out right. Any positive results were always bogged down in controversy.
Part of me thinks that if you pass the test, that should be it. Final. If they find out you were doing something their tests couldn’t detect at the time, well, that is their problem.


6. Mrs. Robot and I are riding a century this weekend and will be more than happy to accept free dope. We totally are in to doping.












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