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Fox, Yankees Look To Cash In On Reality Shows
NEW YORK - This year, Fox is making sure that The MLB All Star Game counts -- in ratings. The reality-savvy network, which is airing the game July 13, has rounded up several All-Stars in hopes of providing programming that will appeal to sports fanatics and reality buffs alike.

In a special arrangement with Bravo, Fox will present an exclusive episode of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, in which Yankee All-Stars Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, Gary Sheffield, Hideki Matsui, and Jeremy Giambi will stand in for The Fab Five. The All-Stars will be presented with the challenge of making All-Star Tom Gordon into a metrosexual.

"It's going to be tough," said Rodriguez, filing his nails with a pink emery board. "Flash (Gordon) is a macho man's man. And not in a gay, tattooed, pumping iron at Gold's Gym, Giambi kind of way."

Added Rodriguez, "A lot of guys think Flash is on the "down low", like Gary (Sheffield). I mean he does have that pencil-thin baby moustache like Gary -- the kind that tickles guys' asses -- but the only DL Flash is likely to be down with is the disabled list."

In addition to the special Yankee edition of Queer Eye, Fox will be airing an All-Star edition of Fear Factor. Each team will be sending one representative. Yankees Manager Joe Torre stated, "It was a no-brainer. Any show where you have to eat 100-year old chicken testicles and cover yourself with gallons of goat vomit, you have no choice but to go with Giambi. The guy already is host to several parisites. In fact, Jason may just be able to open his mouth and let the tapeworms do the eating. Which reminds me, I'm calling up Jason's tapeworm to DH after the break. It's hitting Giambi's system so hard, I am anxious to see what it can do at the plate. If everything works out, we will probably let Giambi go and then enlist him as a farm team for future parasite prospects."

Asked about Giambi competing in some of the Fear Factor's water competitions, Torre stated, "Well, he's been jumping in and out of, and swimming in, New York's sewer system for the past three months, so it should not be a problem."

To top off the week, Fox will be airing "Who Wants To Pitch For The Yankees?", a variation of the successful "Who Wants To Marry My Dad?" and "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?" shows. In the show, Manager Joe Torre and Pitching Coach Mel Stottlemyre will attempt to choose, through a choreographed weeding-out process, anyone who can pitch remotely well.

Stottlemyre, when asked to elaborate on the process, stated, "We are not ruling anyone out. Kids. Women. Hell, even retards and cripples, or a retarded cripple. We don't [expletive deleted] care, as long as they can pitch, and are somewhat immune to common parasites. We got this kid Halsey, he's 12, we pulled him out of a Foster program. We figure that this show can't hurt us." In the show, Torre and Stottlemyre will narrow down a pool of 40 pitchers to 10, and then will go on individual dates with the remaining hopefuls.

Executive producer, Bruce Nash, stated, "We will follow these hopefuls through all stages of the process. Of course, when Joe and Mel ask to be alone, say when they're in the sauna with some of these boys, we will probably turn off the cameras." Nash stated that an unrated DVD containing some of the most steamy footage would be available in time for Spring Training.
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