i realize there are practical uses for these, and that the technology is kind of neat. but, really, come on. everybody knows that 99% of the douchebags walking around with these things don't really need them. they are self-absorbed gizmo dipshits who have realized that the earring, the ponytail, and the tattoo have lost their dominance in the 'ooh, look at me' department. the compulsion to wear these gizmos, in a weird, abstract way, crystallizes everything that the terrorists hate about us.
are we fighting space aliens or commanding a fleet of fighter jets? or are we just so self-absorbed and status-crazed that we can't be bothered to lift a 3.5 oz. phone to our ears? are we so in-demand and rigidly scheduled that we can't stop at a bench or a street corner to put down a bag or briefcase and answer the goddamn telephone the way that normal people do? you don't have to put coins in your phone, there are no wires tethering it to your kitchen wall, and you have to press a maximum of two buttons to call someone. how much easier does it need to be?
i mean, look at this dude. what a douchebag!
when i see these dipshits walking down the street, or down the hallway, i nearly run screaming to the darkest recesses of the appalachian mountains. i mean, i know that humans were never meant to wear suits and ties and carry briefcases through gigantic revolving doors and ride elevators up to boardrooms to sit at gigantic oak tables with ergonomic rolling chairs and conduct negotiations and look at pie charts. (and we probably were not meant to type our feelings onto interweb pages.) but i know for sure that we were never meant to hang flashing silver techological gizmos on our ears for 8 hours a day in the case that we receive incoming communications.
hey, that sure is some douchebag cock-ass loser shit you got hanging on your ear.