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"she called me intelligent!!!!"
After the most brutal of primal dazed realization from ms. narsissi, she picked herself up off the fetal position ugly cry and reckoned she was divorced.
It was so much interesting to read Carrie Fisher's book "wishful drinking" on the aeroplane back from good old birth state. The tone I use with you is the tone she uses in the book. You can sort of see behind the brutal self-confession when you're also a brutal self-confessionist. I would not presume to know so let me say I imagine I know how she might have felt. . .
I digress.
all ways
so, as I told you, she has one friend in this town that she made at the bar that she calls a restaurant to make it less tawdry and she does eat their food and her vegan vote with your dollar high and mighty have rather taken a backseat in the fate of current temporary practice poverty. Boy, was it hard for her to shift to poor mode, yet boy did she realize fast the consequences of not.... she sometimes wondered if she was made for only fans. She had had such a fun time when she was on narcissist-food tinder feeding Marco's and getting Polo's.
For now though, the thought of going on a dating connection site filled her with bile, so she'd do the 1 in twenty billion IRL way for a while if she even had a wile....to bid... "want me"....
she loved going to the bar. She would have named it something different like Dinner Club, but she adored the Farscape peacekeeper red and black interior, yet mostly she loved the mind and therapy of the proprietor - Jeff. Dude was wicked smart, and the relationship he had with his partner wife was goal territory to her.
I bet J.D. salinger (the first monster artist I loved) considered Charlie Chaplin a complete phony. How much he must have idolized oona.
The night was wicked chaos for all. Jeff's treasured truck had been stolen. Her treasured trust had been dissolved. The town drowned in careless teenagers breaking windows and killing revivals. She couldn't wait to leave, yet for now carpe the fucking diem.
So there's the pit bull mastiff mix mentioned earlier in the Peacekeeper-styled bar and she's the first customer in. As Tim says, that's the only time you get to talk to Jeff before he gets too busy. And her new friend is named Veronica after Veronica's veil, and she's a therapist just finished with her 3000 hours, and they met on a night of pain for V. Narcissi often was present at trauma bondings: "give me your agony, your pain, your miseries, your petty inner turmoil, and I will build bonfires..."
So, I order some old fashioneds. The first one was pineapple.
"they filled the potholes today. I thought I'd fall off my stool. It has been seven years since that bag tax promise."
"Like I give a fuck. My truck got stolen from in front of my house last night by two teenagers."
"Whoa Jeff. That fucking sucks. I'm so sorry. Shit."
Later after they discussed theory of crime and society, "IS there any journalism anymore? it's just the horny billionaire ego all the time....give me a fourth estate or give me ....a drink. In fact, I'm going to try liquor tonight. It's sucked for me too. divorce final today. Every time I speak to a lawyer, I get to reward myself by coming here...."
Veronica came in with the huge dog and we moved to the corner to mitigate any unknowns with wild animals. Hers was a different kind of talking than Jeff. She considered it more cancer (as in astrology). She liked this one because she was so very nurturing, and when she got drunk narcissi almost wondered if she was going to have to say something along the lines of "look, I might be into rediscovering my lesbian eroticism and exploring my limits, yet I'm not yet comfortable sleeping with nor making out with my friends. that's a boundary."
She did that to people though. Perhaps it's like that with all friendships and first loves.... the juice of magic dust. For her, it always seemed the promise was too high and she prepared for the inevitable disappointment. It had happened so many patterned times, yet always open to a break.
So they walk to V's house after the bar food and a duff beer and a second liquor old-fashioned the peanut butter one. V insisted on buying her the second drink AND that she come to her home. Narsissi is nothing if not surrounded by women who are strong voiced. V wants to do a tarot reading for her.
Turns out her cards were really cool. She's great at tarot.
Then she spoke of her mom and dad and how her dad dissed her brothers because they weren't smart and like her mom because she was brilliant like her. V is sort of estranged from her mom, yet it's hard.
Then the weird ring thing. Narcissi and the rings oy vey forever right? Why didn't she wear a cheaper ring? So, she does this huge story on a ring and gives it to her and narcissi is like "ok ok, but please don't give me anything you value so." sentimentally though. And THEN she gave her some snail cream (V seems like a shopper - many of N's gal pals had that trait too) She really was astonished at such generosity. And THEN THEN she gave her a ring off her fucking finger. She's dealing with it now and not comparing monetary value, but She made the choice to return the gesture. She quickly had to say goodbye to the gold ring she had bought in a manic panic of "I WILL REPLACE WHAT I HAVE LOST FROM THE MARRIAGE YOU TAURUS FUCK". She's better today this instant less bitter... maybe. She's liking the ring now actually...
So then, they walk home and V says.
"you know what? I think you're really intelligent"
"Veronica, I'm a genius, but it's not quite as fun as you'd maybe think."
"I know. I don't like it though, because I think you're smarter than me. I want to be the smart one or the same."
"Dude, what a generous compliment to pay me. I'm a fucking mess. Believe me, I'm not smart in many ways. I just have one of those brains that can't turn off thinking. Numbing and crying are big things for me."
"Yeah, the cards said you were going to be sad for a bit."
"I'll have to reciprocate with my cards. Thank you so much for being such a really generous and honest friend. I really needed this tonight."
Get home. Edith the cat's alive! always a great first check. She stumbles to something she doesn't even recall then goes to bed (Veronica had given her bourbon when she was reading her tarot and narcissi has been light weighting to save dough).
She falls into bed and wakes up going "where's my ring. how on earth did I give that. I should have pawned it. why didn't I wear my rose ring that I never wear."
but then...
"she thinks I'm smart!"
and that juice helped her feel even again. To be admired is powerful folks.
scussi the typos
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