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Joy has been robbed here people.
It took her a while to find some gold in them there pain hills.
it had taken
quite
a
wile
sic
to
get
out
from
under
the avalanche
I mean out was a nice way to put it, yet she was in the process or recognizing which way was up without panicking yet.
She has such a strong imagination to even put that thought in her head is torture. In fact, horror movies are terrifying-er to her than many. She a feeler.
So today, she was going to try and do some more bargaining with the devil. speaking of which the virtual tinder/stripper platform finally let her in - maybe some money from a red light district would be interesting yet nothing done yet. Her body was wasted if not touched. Aren't they all. Hello virtual. There was this quote she loved something like "may the warm animal body that houses your spirit feel warm animal body loving kind touch" or something. someone's lonely (8 years of constant touch to five nights with another under the same roof even)... well.
I digress.
all
ways
and today. the avalanche of which she speaks, it's the feeling she had on July 10. It all wrecked for her shipwrecks, nuclear wars, earthquakes, suicide bombs (well, that's a loaded word) and like that sharpei puppy named Han Solo that was the labradoodle of its day. When she accidentally and tragically dropped it as a puppy, it ran despite all her efforts to call it back into a corner deep in the back of the room and whimpered.
It had broken her heart. She had caused pain to an innocent.
again.
you'll laugh that she weeps at the age of Lii thinking about it again.
this female feels.
to her
gift/curse
so, she thought of him today. Less like a beating coward toxic asshole betraying shitfuck that wasted all her fucking time for the end result being more of the same plus age and debt? the spit ended up falling back into her mouth and she continued to breath, soooooo sew sew
awl she had to do was flip over, and dig out from under the avalanche.
she fucking gnashed at first in panic as you do.
oh god oh god
wrong way
spit coming into her mouth meant up was the way the spit - spit going down down as was she.
turn back around and dig out
it's ok
it's ok.
she had been disoriented and so scared for so long.
it had been a true surprise, skiing along on my gorgeous skis on this warm beautiful Fourth of July and
bam
it all shook up
so today, the last daze of January. today, it's not a great thing but a kind true thing. she missed things about him - his car - his always there for a pat - his financial help - his silent agreements.
Sure, it was - it became a - passive aggressive war on whom could appear more victim than the other, yet besides that it was a fabulous run.
One of the last words she ever said to him when they were making love last and she was on top because she cared and it wasn't per functionary love work like playing with the cat still was... she said "you won't understand this yet, but I value myself now."
Then, god laughed his ass off.
how you value yourself now miss? not mrs.
"good question quauthor. that's a good one."
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