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it was always constantly hard to not think of him and what happened... she supposed all divorces were like that : a form of post-traumatic stress loop. She debated him in her mind a lot. She tried to reason why she would be in the predicament she's in. Choices and justifiable terror on both sides of the aisle.
so simple to fall into despair.
on reddit, they called it "loosh harvesting" like there were beings that enjoyed feeding off of your hopelessness and sad tears are their water. tequila. yet, that seemed almost like a Santa Claus of motivation for good behavior didn't it.
yesterday, she did one of those things she used to do all the time in Wilmington when she was interminably alone: she agreed to do everything the portents said i.e. coin toss and tarot. so she decided to NOT post her begging from the fund me site and to go to the pub last night and what a fun experience. she marched right to the cool club afterwards.
In all honesty, she was tipsy (TWO rounds of shots were passed out to the entire bar for a birthday in da house) and stoned and sat for the first time in her new home that has been so lamentable and small and she thought "it's ok here, and I am a cool person even if no one ever knows."
she played her guitar and sang for real.
it felt home.
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