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She loves the punk nature she has that she writes these missives without use of her reading glasses. It sucked needing them. She was stupid and kind of thought other people couldn't see the flaws of her face due to fuzzy vision.
The air conditioning had just gone off, but the house was still lukewarm because she was trying like all get out to feel safe in her savings.
One thing she always did was tongue that front left chipped tooth she had. Her beloved dentist of fifteen years had told her that it was a complicated chip that would always reopen. She remembered today how she got that chip when she was swinging down wearing a pendant.
Andrew had given her two pieces of jewelry early on in their courtship. The first was a beautiful horizontal crystal that fell and broke within the first month of ownership. When the person that glued it back together said, "this isn't really going to work. Crystals aren't really meant to be sealed back together."
"I understand. Try your best. It has sentimental value."
She tried not to look at it as a metaphor - an omen. She recalls the moment she realized it had broken and going "oh yeah. that tracks."
She married him for his surname for god's sake.
The second piece of jewelry he gave her on some occasion he marked like their second or first month of dating. It was a natural diamond in a gold setting - very thin gold but all real. Of course, later the diamond fell out of the setting and she just decided to solder the prongs into a nub and still wear the ring without the diamond. People complimented her on it often.
And it reminds her of the time she was sobbing in his bathroom while he wasn't there knowing this wasn't going to work but so afraid to bail. What would her life had been like if she had said "fuck this noise. I'm pretending to love you so I won't be alone, and you're into me enough for the both of us. but I can't really run on your feelings. I've got to honor my own. I have never loved you. I just loved that you seemed to love me like a bomb of affection."
And a piece of her bone was missing.
but they make bonding don't they boy....
try again.
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