|
and I'd go back there now.
I'd be there now.
in maybe a different air bnb but maybe the same.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure whom I'm there to see.
is it you nowl
or is it me,
the intoxicating elixir of what I thought I was.
I looked for that bar.
everything had been so familiar to me - like my house.
I didn't even have the concept of having a mobile phone - a hand computer
vision video
was my internet.
god
I miss you.
and you weren't there when I came back on the same day that the dude offed himself in the fire within.
that was. fun one to watch.
it captured the plexiglass emotion feeling
most parfait
and it rained all the second day, and I was transfixed on at least one of those treasures from the yard sale. it had looked epic on the fotos.
but fuck - for one dress, a lace cloth, and a collandar, I did not deem it worthy of the fucking huge line. but I had gotten liyfted there, and was going to see if I could make my way back - with a stop at the globe of course.
so I headed back on Mitchell, jaywalked, didn't have the balls to walk all the way up to chuck and my first pink apartment. it was already too fucking heavy all of this.
and wanting to see if I could make my way back to campus like I used to do.
I had forgotten about baxter street so didn't judge the distances correctly
and I was like "what is this fucking huge brutalist monolith with strange trees" and gasped in epic horror when it was my first dorm - the hated depression of Brumby - the reason I moved to Reed.
I don't often revisit things I despise, so I'd never been back.
it was jarring.
and I had just passed the tree that owned itself - not meaning to meander to it
and seeing the Mexican restaurant across from crumby
I know I had been there.
I know it.
but it seemed like a shudder memory to me. I don't think I'd come to this block/sector of town in 30 plus years. weird.
and none of it really helps.
it's easier to dy-myth you now.
my chair squeaks.
I came home to these fucking unwanted but loved cats
and dreamed of moving to Athens.
to be somewhere
with a vibe.
although I'm not at all sure at this moment, I wouldn't do it to run into you in the grocery store after my tenth month there and going "see, I am cool dick."
what a victory that would be.
I didn't even think of going to see a movie in the cool arthouse theater downtown.
I went to three bars. the one I wished I'd gone to was los Reyes on 29 and cali and Tito. but oh well. there's always next life.
it was all pleasant
and mindfucky
|
