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God she hated paying rent. She had been spoiled by the year of re-accumulating, and now she was back to caring about what things cost - like most folks. The orange cat lay on her sofa, and an uncatchable roach was in the same proximity. It was not a cat that startled from loud sudden noises nor did it hunt bugs at all. It was a picky eater.
She put the check in the mail to her stepfather - secretly hoping he's putting it all in a savings account for her like her mom's dad did once. It wasn't going to happen though. They loved you from afar, and also were boomers about all of it.
"I can't believe a cheerleading uniform and registration would be $500".
"I don't have any kids, but that seems perfectly in line with how things are now."
She had bought groceries at Aldi's - no alcohol - and still almost exactly $100. What was it like to economize? to her, she just starved and spending froze when she wanted to save; however, it was almost impossible to socialize without spending that dough.
Her dreams had been not the greatest lately, but the tendrils were recalled - the theme being she was in a situation she didn't want to be in and a bit powerless due to lack of funds. Oh, it resonated, and she wanted to strangle a girl she saw on reality teevee who had such a beautiful home and accoutrements. She was an interior decorator with entitlement. What must that be like? She'd love to sort of find out, but she much preferred what her father did - buy a wrecked house - restore it and sell it.
The buds were forming on the bush outside. She tried to recall what last year this time was, and she suspected she was well on her way to going insane. She remembered being afraid to move - afraid to spend a dime - afraid to open her mouth.
The limerence had flown out of the quasi-relationship she was in. She disliked that he didn't maintain any weekday contact. The weekend plans were already established. Could she rest on those petards and just enjoy the laissez faire whatever.
Nope - she was a control freak, and she very much enjoyed being wooed. The water in this house was weird, and after a year - she made a mental note to get a water filter pitcher. It was time she guessed. She was so grateful for her job that she salivated - or perhaps that was heartburn. She had had cheese toast for breakfast and discovered that manchego cheese did not melt. At Aldis, she bought the moss green fuzzy slippers and considered herself prepped for winter. She loved a good shoe and was re-amassing her collection from the war refugee status she had previously lived.
She blamed him for not feeling that drug of love. She had done her time admiring him and thinking him the catch of the decade. He either was very non-verbal - or he didn't really like her. It was also sort of sad and sort of interesting to not water the shallow connection she had. She wasn't sure why, but she felt testy.
And as always, any mention of "Dawson's creek" made her cry. She was reading an article about Dawson having cancer and it took her immediately back to it all - her time that she was happy.
That lovely time when she had friends and tons of activities to turn down and never worried about money. Oh well. Now is now.
Now, she wonders if she's a fool again, so she'll pull back.
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