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She had no idea what to start with, but she needed to get something out or she wouldn't be here. She was imbibing H2O like a freakbot because she had been such a consumer this weekend. He was definitely a factor in her waistline - or rather, she let him be. A non-geranium flower bloomed in the geranium pot making her revel again in the tenacity of life.
So many words, yet always the same.
She was sure she was on her way to loving him, and the leaves kept plummeting off the trees every time the breeze so much as fluttered. It astounded her how many times she assumed he was done with her and moving on to the delight of all sane civilization.
It would be three months on Friday and she was clenching the reins and tightening her knees. It was something she definitely wanted to ride. She wasn't sure what love was or what it would feel like, but she thought of him to the exclusion of almost everything and felt peaceful at the thought of being with him. She wondered if they would ever be able to do mundane things - could she ask him to trim her hedges using his height? could they every cook a meal together? She was still on company manners.
"I can't wait until my real personality - the boring part - finally comes out."
He looked startled.
"Do you really think I'm always this much on the go and talkative? I'm mainly doing it because I feel unsure around you and have my defense mechanisms up."
He still didn't answer except to raise his eyebrows.
Later he said, "what are we going to do today?"
Normally, that's a triggering question for her as she hated being the person that planned everything to the editing criticism of the other; but of course with him - it did not bother her. It made her nervous. She had no idea what people did. She just liked to talk and seek ego-less oblivion.
"Maybe we could go for a walk?"
"sounds good. where?"
"well, you hate the big walking place that everyone else here loves"
"I'll find a place on my trails app."
Eventually they ended up in a place in rural Georgia where the weeds grew in the parking lot, and there was only one other vehicle - a motorcycle with two helmets.
"This could be the beginning of the murder mystery I'm not going to write. We could have two people going into unknown woods."
"It might be a good horror story, but so cliche."
"They do often start like this."
Even later, he was on her sofa reclined and snoring with his phone in his hand, his glasses askew, and football at low volume on the teevee. Normally, she'd crack open a beer. It was afternoon, and she was always happy to loosen up. He didn't drink, so she didn't ...
until they were about to leave, "I'm having a Guinness even though I'm contradicting myself for saying that it's bad luck to drink alone. I drink alone a lot, so I'll just add it to the tab. You're sure you don't want one?"
"I'm good."
The night before, they had even kissed - no tongue - in person because she had felt so affectionate towards him due to the flowing booze. She liked it very much.
They arrived at a bar with plenty of seating and they sat on the stools they had occupied before. This was just like they'd done in Athens. She liked that they were establishing patterns. She liked him although she kept thinking he was going to not like her the moment he looked around the next corner.
He didn't make love to her that night nor the next morning, and it of course scared her as all the use she thought she had was related to in and out action.
Their team had lost the game, yet neither of them had any money on it. It had been a long night and even though he had told her he never went to bed before 10:30, he broke that every time with her. She just wanted to feel worthy of being loved instead of constantly being the buzzkill looking for validation.
"one day, we're going to have to score some cocaine."
She wondered what that meant.
"I feel like I have one or two more times left in me, and I think it would be nice."
She had already told him she turned into a paranoid quiet gal on the 'cain - so she assumed that he wanted to experience the free chattiness he exhibited on said drug. This kind of pleased her as did the hints he dropped that he notices and thinks about her.
"ah! there's the book I gave you. Have you read it?"
She loved that he had researched something she loved, and for some reason she didn't tell him that she'd checked it out of the library long ago.
Her biggest current goal was trying to not try so hard and to be the cool girl.
When he left, he didn't say what he'd said last time "see you soon", but it had been a good hug. He was not very demonstrative by nature and never even slipped her the tongue except when he was wild with mead.
It was the grandfather whom she'd never met but who gave everyone such a nice start in life by his death - it was his birthday. She, his youngest grandchild, wanted to visit his grave. She wanted to bring him fresh fake flowers, but she had dallied too long and thought she might go the next day and just tell him "happy new year pop-pop"
She didn't want a new hobby. She already loved painting, but she did want to appear interesting - to actually be interesting.
She drank glass after glass of water today hoping to flush out the bloated feeling. She had eaten like Thanksgiving and had almost always beer beer beer. The rainbow bacon bagel with hot honey had indeed been fire. He had been quiet the whole meal, and she rushed him away without telling him what she was doing. He had said he wanted to get home early. He succeeded.
She had changed the screensaver on her phone to a picture she had taken on their hike. It was the cloud reflected in the lake. She still was shy of taking photos of him - besides, his physical beauty wasn't his most attractive feature.
It was his mind.
"I feel like a 53-year old child with you. I love you so much, yet I don't understand you like a kid doesn't understand an adult. I want to tickle you and make you watch whit Tillman movies while we drink. But, it's always the same."
"I'm going to marry you."
"you said at the bar we never now go to that you think marriage is stupid."
"you're such a child really."
"and you got mad that pride stole rainbows from children"
He kisses her. It's in broad daylight.
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