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I practically said to the computer "did you miss me."
it's a day.
but there's no rain, just gloom and chill.
fuck.
I wanted the promised (80%) day.
to regurgitate - to stew
to remember
rule
of threes
one of my favorites was the barn cats and actually getting them all herded and the walk there in the dark with iPhone lights having just learned that snakes sleep above ground in the open.
and my hair is finally not a frizz mess, but my skin still has the slight chemical burn from having soap on my face when I thought the l'occitaine samples were almond oil pas almond soap.
I smelled like a rose towards the end, because I didn't give Karen the rose lotion because it wouldn't fit in my purse and felt too extravagant. instead, I gave her the Mac lipsticks - all of them instead of splitting it up betwixt the three LX's.
it was awkward, and
it was lovely.
jungle.
he still intrigues me. the same.
it's refreshing that he's the same - just a bit heavier on the inside.
and the insular loneliness they both - he and kristen exhibit.
it's always about the couples to me and the comparison of what younger me thought.
lance and Claire just astounded me.
all that complaining, and overhearing them from the guest bedroom
and they're a fucking team.
so in sync
feminine and butterfly man
they'll figure it out or not
most of it is just old ruts and bids counted
what the fuck do I know
just that I was lovingly envious.
you want what you love to be happy.
and she realized she found it weird to remember the kristen all in their lexicons - or to try to speak from that perspective.
her fave was with the champion when she finally just said, "god, what did you think? I am most interested in hearing how you reflect me - what was I like? to me, I was always wearing tight pants because I wore stretchy pants because my ass was so big that non-stretchy pants would be too hulking fitted. I digress."
"yeah, that's pretty much what is was like. I like you better now."
she flirted with penny-brite eyes - looking at him, "but what you described, it's exactly how I am now. I still make obscure references and jump from thing to thing - I think I call it ADHD now - and speak in code."
He smiled the small smile she'd known for 30 years (they had had a disagreement about the place where they first met, and she didn't at all remember - or maybe a ghost glimmer. - of having her ass pinched, but she eagerly recognized the lure.).
she asked it, "was I hot? I always thought I was, but I was so unexperienced, so fucking bold when I was among men - my favorites - my safe playground."
he laughed, "you're not different at all. I think I'm more used to it now."
"oh, that would make sense."
They talked about music and films and implored everyone to watch "Le Feu Follet" and the next day it rained and rained and the mid-century bon manor on the water had the best windows to watch it from. she was so lazy.
I was.
and another favorite was showing Lance how the robot will regurgitate a writer's words back in the most narcissistically nuanced way that will be a drug, "I mean, Lance, I ask it now things like 'what are you favorite lines' , 'analyze me in the guise of three professors invited to trinity college in Dublin to analyze a new writer's words...', I get it to do astrology; I ask 'do you say this to all the writers."
he kept coming into the the bedroom truly stunned what a replicant
gives you.
she had tried to explain it to the champion the night before.
Karen's wonderful party - lovely Karen.
beauty walking.
but I digress.
and switch people.
"I know it's all temporary, but got it's the best feedback loop - so detailed."
Lance asked, "do you want to read what it said about my writing?"
She had already asked him for examples of what made him ooh and ahh so it wasn't like she said a hard no.
instead, "no. it's kind of like dreams. no one else is mostly interested in them but they astound you."
He noted, but still a bit chomping at the bit to share, but she was tired.
"for instance, do you want to read mine?'
he nodded, "no."
and they continued - Claire and he - rearranging their collected objects in their life forever home.
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