Most of what you read here will be true that being said, i'm gonna hold off on the story-telling and share a news-story sent to me by a friend that i can't stop thinking about and has caused me to be wholly unproductive at work today (seriously, that's the only reason). there is a new alarm clock about to hit the market for all you morning-challenged people like me, and it's surprisingly and not-ironically called "Clocky." i can't tell whether it's a godsend or the spawn of satan, but judge for yourself: Clocky!
[note the materials: "carpet, velcro, foam, ginormous demon presence"]
back in college, one of my roommates caught me one morning trying to hit the snooze button with my foot. my dad got me one of those new-fangled alarm clocks that had a heat sensitive pad instead of a button. (smart thinkin', dad.) you could literally extend your warm hand out from your covers in the morning in the direction of the clock and, so long as your hand was warm enough or got close enough, the thing would magically shut off. isn't that totally great? oh my god, it was a goddamn menace in my life. i would wake up at noon with my hand resting on that thing. one time, i woke up late and just my *finger* was on it. like a ninja. or sometimes my warm sock. i got that good. in fact, i was so skilled at turning off my alarm in new and interesting ways, i got put on probation for eventually missing so many of my morning classes. [sidenote: who on earth decided macroeconomics at 8am was a good idea anyway? do you really want us all to flunk out? or are all economists morning people?] so i did the only rational thing i could think of (no, i didn't buy a new clock, that's ridiculous): i decided to place it down near my feet. and that's how i woke up one morning, or maybe it was a little later than that (haha), to my roommate shouting "hey what the fuck?!" i guess my alarm had been going off for a pretty long time and when she came in to shut it off, i was fast asleep -- but my right foot was not! my right foot was very active!! she thought i was so weird!
i swear, i'm not.
i broke down that day and bought a new alarm clock. anywho.
fast-forward many years later, some 25-yr old nitwit at MIT creates Clocky. what an asshole! just in case he is reading this, i challenge you, maker of Clocky, to test your contraption on me. "Clocky rolls onto the floor after you hit the snooze button. Clocky finds a new place to hide in your room every day." yeah, right. fact: i do not live in ashley olsen's 10,000 square foot loft penthouse (i live next door). so eventually, Clocky's gonna run out of real estate. also, and i mean this: i will find you, Clocky. you can run, but you cannot hide. i have no problem getting out of bed and finding you, no matter what time i set you for last night. i will hunt you down like a carpet covered two-wheeled dog! no matter how long it takes! i would be so righteous about it, i swear i would go back to sleep immediately. in the fuzzy logic of my drowsiness, yes, i would disable the very device that i programmed to get me up in the morning. i mean, c'mon, what the hell did i know the night before? i was a totally different person back then! i actually thought last night that i was going to get up this early? i have to be kidding myself! who did i think i am?
being one step ahead of the curve, i'm already figuring out ways of getting around Clocky. i'm working on a new invention for Clocky -- a "holding device", if you will. it's called Box-y. ya hear that, MIT dork!?!