2001:September:9
2001
Me, Me, ME. Even I can hardly believe that I'm wrting AGAIN after that huge diatribe I just wrote, but I am.
I was innocently dancing in the backyard after reading a bit of happyrobot (I thought it was qwencher honestly). thinking of all these things that when you're stoned, you think are brilliant. I was trying to not come back in here/hear and post another posting to an already massive diarreah of the mouth - like people want to hear this - but there was these thoughts/rationalizations I thought for coming back in here:
1. Fuck my marketing nature. You see I thought posting another entry would cause the previous "fucking brilliant" essay I just wrote to go into "show all entries" thus taking it off the display window. You see I was marketing my "fucking brilliant" "Product" that I think is so fucking brilliant.
2. I can't believe that I'm actually writing down what I thought outside.
3. Im' a phony.
4. THIS IS BRILLIANT and should be shared.
5. This was a very important day to come to school today for Kristen scholars.
6. I must be the most arrogant person on this planette.
7. "The Empty Mirror" is a funny title because I think that if you were really Buddhist, there would naturally be a bit of period where you are FUCKING fascinated with this body you've been reincarnated too. In fact, i would consider/hope that this is the first stage in becoming enlightened. In fact, the second stage must be realizing how beyond words not relevant that is.
8. I'm wearing my bright orange "You're all characters in my next novela [sic]" t-shirt that Mark got me for a birthday, my tight, god's eye-ish blue and light blue and white patterned modern print skirt (you had to say that one fast to get it)... and my fisherman's hat from walmart that is very fine hot pink and white flowered like blurry polka-dotted type hat.... dancing in front of that old-gilt edged huge mirror my aunt gave me that has my aunt and mother's portraits in the background. I think it is sooooooo beyond words to dance in front of it high to Tori Amos' "Girls from the Choirgirl Hotel". Ahh, it's such a beyond words experience. But of course, really funny too. Part of it is lil' me being beautifully hip (in my own revelation) and an anachronism in this reflected world.
9. SO ANYWAY, the thing that got me out of the yard dancing around listening to ta on the outside speakers was this: Here's a big FUCK YOU to society (and I think a true followere of buddhism would think this was RIGHT ON and I even think it's OK to say that as well and not be a total fraud): what if, the reason that people worship beauty so much is because they are bored. Hear/here me out now: isn't beauty supposed to be so funny in that it can be explained by math. There's a big fad of having beauty and appearance's power be addressed and explained MATHMATICALLY. Isn't it true then that we might all be INCREDIBLY BORED in this society and compute computations in our head to occupy our mind... what if beauty is such a thing. We practiced on the thing closest to us: faces. art, landscapes...etc. Well, just a thought.
