i originally wrote the following for a mock "j. peterman catalog" thingie for the happyrobot shoppe. it's pure silly drivel. happy friday! ------------------------------------
It was only a chance meeting many years ago in Paris - after the war of course. The only meetings in Paris before the war all took place in French and since I don't speak French I wasn't in on any of those. But that one meeting, at the Café Royale Superb Soufflé…changed my life. It was dark and stormy even though it was only 1 p.m. I was wearing my Four Thousand Dollar Leather Coat in Tortilla Yellow (Fall '99, p.81). I had the boots to match in Salsa Verde (also Fall '99). Soon after I sat down, a man shuffled to the table next to me. He was regrettably wearing nothing that I could recognize as coming from a previous catalog. He gruffly ordered the Hot Dog Royale Superb Soufflé and a "drank". Intrigued, I caught the waiter by the sleeve and ordered the same exact meal. I was drawn to this man. Maybe it was his big, thick glasses, maybe it was his big, thick hair…maybe it was Paris, after the war. Our food arrived at the same time and at first taste I knew I would never sustain my appetite or quench my thirst with any other food again. I had to meet him; I had to know about this exquisite combination of delicacies – oh how my palate sang! I moved over to his table and he, oblivious to my presence, continued eating.
"I…I… have to know who you are…the food, it…" I found that I couldn't go on.
The mysterious stranger finished his meal and looked up. An instant later, he darted out of my life forever but not before leaving me with his bill and these words:
When the waiter took Euros for both soufflés and dranks, he looked at me sympathetically.
"Madame, you are not the first. There are many like you: men, women, children, dogs, cats, robots…all like you. That Danny, he has a posse."
When I arrived back in the states, I got down to business. I had purchased the 100% cotton, white Hanes® Beefy-T™ awning from the Café Royale Superb Soufflé and had it made into sturdy but fashionable garments. With the help of an artist from the 23rd Street Precinct, I had a drawing rendered, THE drawing that would grace these sure-to-be collector's items printed in 100% Indian and Parisian inks. I also purchased all the mugs from the Café, THE mugs that held THE dranks. I now offer them to you as a testament of the power of the drank. Look! The Café's placemats, the very placemats that held piping hot crocks of Hot Dog Soufflé, were made into mousepads! Finally, I bought the Café Royale Superb Soufflé (hell, I had everything else from them!). I set the Café up exactly like that day in Paris and roped off two tables that are set for an eternal meeting of hot dogs…dranks…