Oh hi. 10 years later and emerging from a pandemic and I don't remember who I am supposed to be. I imagine we are all feeling a bit of the same. I went into 2020 with a newly minted teenager who kept measuring himself against my back to see who was taller and 18 months later, he's chasing 5"10.
In less literal ways, I feel a bit dwarfed by life these days, trying to remember how to make eye contact and casual conversation. I found my way back to Happyrobot and looked through the Pony archives, and wow, there is a whole part of a person there who wrote things for a whole decade. I miss her.
Scrolling through the socials the other day, I saw this little cartoon of one ghost hugging the other, saying something to the effect of "it's okay to miss who you used to be." And I hit like or love or care or some stupid action one takes to reflect that something resonated with you without really having to reflect on the thing. But it did. Resonate, that is. And I reflected.
So deep breath. What part of your past self do you miss right now?
The early Happyrobot crew, we were in our late 20s when this whole web community started. Now most of us are in the neighbourhood of 50 which would have freaked our 20-something selves right out. We've been changed by grief, illness, relationship breakdowns, job loss — and I don't think anyone of us is feeling lighter than they did 20 years ago.
And social media — even more than our so-called-blogosphere of yore — has created a context collapse wherein I don't really know what anyone is feeling these days, not really. Measuring myself against the words I used to write here, I would say I feel shorter than ever, missing some of the things that used to lift me up.
I miss you. I miss me.