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post #250
bio: stu

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Songs to Retire
Filmmakers, it's time to retire a couple of songs.

Actually, it's time to retire a bunch of songs. You've been using them to death. Some of them aren't even particularly good, so why the hell do you keep putting them into movie after movie? Some other songs are good, but have been used definitively and are the property of a particular movie. You can only use these songs if you are specifically parodying or referencing that movie.

Got it?

Oh, you want some examples? Well, I got examples.

Never use these songs ever again.
  • "The Weight" by the Band
  • "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
  • "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, covered most memorably by Jeff Buckley, and assorted other people who seem to be covering the Jeff Buckley cover
  • "What A Wonderful World" by Louie Armstrong. Especially people who insist on putting this over scenes of death and war. We got it.
  • "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor (the cover by Cake is still fair game)
  • "Bad to the Bone" by George Thoroughlynotgood
  • "All Star" by Smash Mouth. Fuck Smash Mouth. Fuck them right in the eye socket.
  • "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves
  • "Born to Be Wild" by Steppenwolf.
The following songs have been used definitively, and are honorably retired, like Mickey Mantle's number:
  • Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner
  • "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Strauss (this can no longer be used even for parodies)
  • "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Steelers Wheel (see also "Son of a Preacher Man," "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon," "Flowers on the Wall" and "Hooked on a Feeling")
  • "Where Is My Mind?" by the Pixies
  • "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones. Scorsese, I'm looking at you. This song should have been retired after Gimme Shelter, but noooo, you needed to use it in every fucking movie.
  • "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
  • "The Banana Boat Song (Day-O)" by Harry Belafonte
  • "Fight the Power" by Public Enemy (Spike Lee used it up)
  • Good Will Hunting puts the knife into Elliott Smith songs being used in movies
To see an example of perhaps the laziest soundtrack ever put together, please follow this link.

Thank you. These rules go into place immediately.

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