It's all about poo
My parents always chided my brother and I about our 'shit talk'. As kids, and teens, my brother and I hurdled insults or whatnot at each other, and they always involved some sort of fecal matter subject matter. I now feel a bit self conscious about 'shit talk' (thanks ma+pa!). But after a shitty morning here at happyrobot with shit crashing and those shitheads trying to fix it, all I can think about is shit.
Shit Shit Shit!
So here we go, stories about shit - with one just a reprint from an email jessica sent about a recent shit problem (please note, jessica is usually 'powdery fresh').
Cat Box
Yesterday, Mrs. Robot realizes that Kitty Robot has not pooped in her box in at least three days. She calls our wacky vet, and he says better safe than sorry, and bring her in.
Kitty goes in for a kitty enema.
She is fine.
Jessica's Toilet This story, to clarify, is from our pal Jessica:
The following tale is quite mortifying but I will share with you guys, because, shucks I love y'all and I know you'll appreciate this.
My plans for tonight were to take a nap, run some errands, just enjoy my night off.
I come home and take a poop.
I clog the toilet
I get a plunger.
Nothing
Idiot me flushes again and the water floods my bathroom. Cursing I clean it up.
Plunge some more
Nothing
Flush again another flood.
I clean, I seethe
I recall an argument Kathy and I had when she clogged the toilet in phoenix. I went to go get the housekeeper for plunger she says a coat hanger will do, we get it a screaming match. The hanger worked.
So I go get a hanger, while alone now in my apt a month later, begrudgingly. "Kathy," I say to myself, "this better fucking work."
It doesn't. Ha!
Fuck. Plunge some more. I am hesitant to call maintenance because the head guy is the husband of my co-worker. "Kristie, Jess's shit really clogged the toilet."
I call them, they are not home and I leave a message with a bribe of beer and $25. Meanwhile, I call the guy on call.
He plunges away--nothing. He thinks something, not a turd, is stuck in the toilet. Meanwhile telling me this is the 4th toilet all week and he once hada guy who was yelling at him while he was plunging a toilet, as he was not on his medicine because his kids and their friends took his pills. Come to find out that the pill bottle had clogged the toilet.
I joke that it was the baby alligator I flushed and he doesn't get the joke.
Brow water splashes his Dockers.
He leaves and goes to home depot to get a "snake," since he says the one hey have is a piece of crap (sic)
Meanwhile I make contingency plans to find a place to stay. I mean where can I pee? I can't go to my dads because he is sick and he would have a stroke about my toilet. He's very anal, no pun intended.
So the guy comes back with the snake and that doesn't do. Doo. There is definitely something stuck in there.
I am not on my period, so I figure some lipstick or other cosmetic item has fallen in the toilet, or these vials of perfume I have.
30 minutes later he tells me he's going to have to call a pro plumber.
1 1/2 later the plumber shows up, I'm drinking beer on my patio at this point with the above mention co-worker.
His super duper snake device doesn't do anything. He goes out to his truck. He has to remove the whole toilet.
I go back to the patio.
A few seconds later I hear a holler "Anyone lose a pair of PINK PANTIES?"
Oh man, I think, I pair must of been behind the toilet (I had some laundry on the floor earlier in the evening)
NO a fucking pair of PINK PANTIES had clogged my toilet.
I am mortified and pick up the offending pair with a paper towel and toss it in the trash meanwhile hysterical laughing.
So is the guy. I can't figure out how the hell the got in the toilet?!
"So, I guess this goes in your book of the weirdest thing you've removed from a toilet."
"No, I find lots of underwear all the time. The weirdest thing I ever found was a dead squirrel."
The guy had 4 taxidermied (sp) squirrels on a shelf and one got flushed down the toilet.
Anyhow, don't fucking ask me how the underwear got flushed down the toilet. I figured out I wore them on Monday. They must have fallen when I was carrying stuff out of the bathroom, perhaps I flushed without looking.
