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post #194
bio: rich

first post
that week

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What the world needs now is a think piece about the pandemic
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Happyrobot 2003 Winter Conference

Let's bilk them
A co-worker is at a conference sponsored by the company that makes a piece of software that we use on our company's website. The conference is supposed to help participants understand and utilize the system better, and our company jumped at the chance to send someone there because we have had major issues with it since day one.

The conference started Tuesday. Today I run into a press release from the software company touting the release of the newest version of their crappy software. Release date: Tuesday.

We get an email from the co-worker saying that the thing is a joke and it's just a big commercial for the newest version.

So, maybe this is how all these conferences work, and that is fine. Whatever.
What I realized is that I need get in on this racket and hit corporate america up for money. I am thinking some glossy brochures with images of happy people working at their computers, and maybe a headline saying, "Your employees spend all day at happyrobot - we can help them maximize their time there".

It's a win-win deal for all of us. Your company sends me 800$ bucks for the 'conference'. They pay for your travel, lodging, and food in NYC, and then we hang out all day... drinking, eating, sight-seeing, watching funny videos, and hassling teens.

This is a draft of my conference schedule - feel free to suggest any ideas…

Happyrobot 2003 Winter Conference

Day 1 - 2/3/2003
9:00am Registration + Orientation
10:00am Opening speech by Rich
11:00am A series of funny video clips produced by Eric Willhelm
12:00pm Bloody Mary Workshop
1:00pm Fried Chicken Workshop hosted by Matt at Live Bait
2:00pm food coma
5:00pm Mixed Drinks hosted by Nate with Slideshow by Rich and EricW
9:00pm Dinner.
10:00pm Birthday cake to celebrate 5 years of happyrobot
11:00pm Bourbon tasting workshop

Day 2 - 2/4/2003
1:00am Jukebox appreciation workshop hosted by Rich at Boat
3:00am Drunken-cell-phone-call workshop hosted by Rich
10:00am Pancake presentation hosted by Matt @ Café LuLu
12:00pm Speech by IT specialists on how to surf net without boss knowing
1:30pm Snack
2:00pm Wine apprecitaion workshop
3:30pm Cheese workshop
4:00pm Snack
4:30pm Buying CDs at Kims workshop hosted by Eric Shepherd
5:30pm Free Time
8:00pm Ride Sky Tram back and fourth between Manhattan and Queens a few times
9:00pm Dinner at Ginger hosted by Taiwai & Rich
11:00pm Drinks and Jazz music at Louis

Day 3 - 2/5/2003
10:00am Eggs and biscuits at Clinton Street Bakery
12:00pm Pony and Horse rides in Central Park
2:00pm Lunch at Old Town Bar
4:00pm Star Wars Holiday Special: What went wrong? Workshop hosted by Eric Willhelm and Rich
5:00pm Entertaining video montage of monkeys, puppies, and kittens.
5:30pm Shoe shopping at Fluevog hosted by Lawton, Matt, and Rich
7:00pm Chartered dinner cruise around manhattan. Food catered by the Jackson Diner, beer fresh from the Brooklyn Brewery. The Merle plays the rock on the upper deck for your rocking pleasure.
11:00pm Fish Chris out of the Hudson River.
11:05pm Fish Chris out of the Hudson River.
11:30pm Matt's performance art production of "Drunken Mooning Lower Manhattan from a boat"
12:00am Boat docks.

Day 4 - 2/6/2003
1:00am Raquel and Ben's Two Noses Dance Party (location to be announced)
3:00am Wacky Weed Workshop - roof of Liz's building. Blankets and hot chocolate included.
4:00am Encore presentation of Matt's performance piece.
4:30am Closing Speech by Rich. Passing out awards. Hugs and kisses.

-the end-


Sign me up at once. (Do I need to get you a purchase order?)
»klutch.xls ||  10/23/2002 ||  1:12:52 PM
Yes, we would like to sign Chris up for the conference please. we have one condition though. Your itinerary states that on 2/5 at 11:00 and 11:05 PM you will be fishing Chris out of the Hudson River. Um, could you just leave him in there, please? We've been trying to get rid of him for months, and this will save us some severence pay. Thank you for your time.
»boston ballet ||  10/23/2002 ||  1:56:06 PM
You know, I could host a ball kicking workshop. I may be retired from the game, but I can still coach.
»pat ||  10/23/2002 ||  2:02:51 PM
can we move the lunch at Old Town to the White Horse? I would rather look at the cute 20 something waiter at White Horse besides the Old Town hot dogs make me sick. Thanks
»k ||  10/23/2002 ||  2:41:47 PM
the gin is chilled, stoli frozen, peaches sliced...dude let's rock.
»nster ||  10/23/2002 ||  2:44:21 PM
I intend to sleep with the whole lot of ya
»thor ||  10/23/2002 ||  3:00:19 PM
Do we get any "take aways"? Like t-shirts, or courier bags with the HappyRobot logo on them. It wouldn't be a conference without take-aways.
»pat ||  10/23/2002 ||  4:01:27 PM
I will be in India!!!!! Wait till the spring, birthday boy, and we will have a post-aquarian birthday...
Er...define pony rides.
»potro ||  10/23/2002 ||  4:19:18 PM
um, im unemplyed, do u think you could send the invoice to the gv't of will all work out. just dont mention my student loans
»vin ||  10/23/2002 ||  5:59:46 PM
i wonder how many people i can fit on my roof? hmmm.... i'll get the cocoa with marshmallows.
»liz ||  url || 10/23/2002 ||  6:36:35 PM
i'm available to host a "how to drive your hard drive" workshop.
»tamara ||  10/23/2002 ||  6:50:53 PM
oh yeah, can there be a Pirate Sidebar? There's always a sidebar at these things, right? Sidebahrrrr.
»tamara ||  10/23/2002 ||  6:52:29 PM
did somebody say PIRATE?

Why did the pirate eat an entire island village?
Because he was stAAARRRHGHving!
»chris ||  10/23/2002 ||  10:10:47 PM
I am happy to open a seminar on "Issues and Concerns with Early Versions: Migration Plans That Will Cost You Twice As Much." I think I can fit it in 10 minutes at the start of the Food Coma.
»co-worker ||  10/24/2002 ||  1:19:07 PM

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