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post #329
bio: rich

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that week

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What the world needs now is a think piece about the pandemic
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Running a dot com is hard work

Running a dot com is hard work
This is what has happened since happyrobot made the 'transformation':

1. Investors, investors, investors! Lord, these people will not leave me alone. It's a constant barrage of calls and meetings making sure that we are 'on track' and 'high performing' - I have never played so much golf in my life.

2. The problems with the new building are never ending. It's a new building, yet it already has a rodent problem?! How does this happen? Am I missing something here?
Oh, and the ventilation system. Nightmarish. Does it suck or does it blow? It seems to do a bit of both.

3. Hiring. Sure, there is a human resource department now, but I still have to review hundreds of resumes every day it seems. I feel like just opening the door and saying, "Anyone want a job? Come in, and grab a desk and we'll figure out what you can do."
I fear that we won't have enough employees when we start the first round of layoffs. What do you do in that case? Lay people off twice?

4. Does anyone know what the foos-ball table to employee ratio should be? I need to figure that out quick.

5. Contracts. Sure we are a dot com now with all this investor cash on hand, but does that mean that our writers can now balk at their contracts and start using blackmail techniques to get a better deal? Apparently so. I'm sorry, all the writers are good, but I am not including the ownership of a minor league baseball team in Blaine's package - go ahead Blaine, post those photos. I double dog dare you.

6. We are still getting a lot of push-back on Lawton's ideas for everyone to wear matching jump suits in the office. I am not even getting involved in this one.

7. So, I thought Matt would be happy in his cushy corner office with the title of "Super Brain Head Technology Monkey", but now he apparently wants to also be head of security. Something about the legality (thx again Blaine) of his 'ball defense' when we hire Pat.

8. Aeron chairs sure are expensive.

9. Matt built this very elaborate audio system throughout out our new rodent infested office where everything can trigger a sound effect.
Open a door? Sound effect.
Flush the toilet? Sound effect.

We brought Eric (W) on to create all the sound effects and do our hold music, but I think he is totally bilking me on this. $15,000 for a sound effect of Danny Chambers going, "Bye bye poo poo" for the bathroom?! And why are all the vendors he uses snack food companies?

10. Mrs. Robot's pony keeps getting loose on the grounds, which is not a big deal except for when Clomp-Clomp poops on the front sidewalk.

11. The Boston office rotates, you know. On the top of a building, it rotates. That's been a headache as you can imagine - especially after Klutch, who wanted the rotating office in the first place, starts complaining of motion sickness. Klutch, just don't vomit on the new chairs.

12. Do you know how much it costs to have an on-site brewery? It costs a lot.

13. Real live monkeys aren't nearly as fun as you'd think.

Don't cry for me robots.

I just want to know whose brilliant idea it was to fill the ikea-style ball room with billiard balls.
Btw, your offer to pay me in stock options no longer stands.
I want nerf guns, an atari console, and some sort of stealth-disco-like meme to earn us noteriety.
»pony ||  10/22/2003 ||  1:10:07 PM
I hate that ball room.
»oot ||  10/22/2003 ||  1:17:50 PM
these pants have no ball room
»tighty whitey ||  10/22/2003 ||  1:27:29 PM
don't forget, the layoff have to be preceded by a trip to starbucks or some other chain coffee store
»liz ||  10/22/2003 ||  1:54:15 PM
Did you want me to go ahead and flowerbluckle the computers together in the office? I'm out buying UST cables now, and should have the networth up and running by the end of the day.
»tams ||  10/22/2003 ||  3:09:38 PM
i am roaming the streets right now purchasing extravagant scooters for interoffice transportation convenience.

funny, no one is selling them anymore. I hope someone will still sell me a deflatable guard dog.
»raquel ||  10/22/2003 ||  3:38:03 PM
flowerbuckle sounds pretty, can I get daisies? no ball team for me, just daisies and black coffee . . . made by someone that's not me- and hourly. no burnt coffee, I'd like that in my contract please- and free t-shirts. And a lot of personal leave time. Called "personal" time, so I don't have to call up and fake being sick- that's demeaning for both of us.
»anne ||  10/22/2003 ||  4:30:45 PM
also, can we have pajama fridays?
»anne ||  10/22/2003 ||  4:49:53 PM
pajama fridays sound great except i don't work on fridays. or mondays. pajama thursdays?
»lisa ||  10/22/2003 ||  4:52:24 PM
The reason Clomp-Clomp is pooping on the sidewalk is because we are still waiting on his Pretty Pony Office Panties. Did anyone get the tracking number for the Fed Ex?
»mrs. robot ||  10/22/2003 ||  5:57:18 PM
I'll send a mass company email each morning that says "WFH" meaning I'm working from home, but oddly, my job will be the guy at office who sends out the WFH emails.
»john ball ||  10/22/2003 ||  6:19:23 PM
this all sounds great. can you guys organize all these action points for the presentation for the next meeting?
*clap* !
»:r ||  10/22/2003 ||  7:15:03 PM
I haven't heard back from you so I guess I just go ahead and order the suede fabric for my office chair....
And what about my canaries? WHERE ARE MY CANARIES???!!
»genevieve ||  10/22/2003 ||  9:31:11 PM
I'm heading into the men's now, bringing a stack of back issues of The Onion. See y'all on Friday, right about quitting time.

Can someone bring me a sammich?
»cromulent ||  url || 10/23/2003 ||  11:06:00 AM

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