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post #388
bio: rich
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4/15/2004
07:03

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Replace "iraq" with "pants"

Replace "Iraq" with "Pants"
Text of President Bush's press conference at the White House on Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Good evening.

Before I take your questions, let me speak with the American people about the situation in my pants.

This has been tough weeks in my pants. Coalition forces have encountered serious violence in some areas of my pants. Our military commanders report that this violence is being instigated by three groups. Some remnants of Saddam Hussein's regime, along with Islamic militants, have attacked coalition forces in the city of Fallujah. Terrorists from other countries have infiltrated my pants to incite and organize attacks.

In the south of my pants, coalition forces face riots and attacks that are being incited by a radical cleric named al-Sadr. He has assembled some of his supporters into an illegal militia and publicly supported the terrorist groups Hamas and Hezbollah.

Al-Sadr's methods of violence and intimidation are widely repudiated by other Shia in my pants. He's been indicted by authorities for the murder of a prominent Shia cleric.

Although these instigations of violence come from different factions, they share common goals. They want to run us out of my pants and destroy the democratic hopes of the people in my pants.

The violence we have seen is a power grab by these extreme and ruthless elements. It's not a civil war. It's not a popular uprising. Most of my pants is relatively stable. Most of my pants by far reject violence and oppose dictatorship.

In forums where my pants have met to discuss their political future, and in all the proceedings of the Pants Governing Council, my pants have expressed clear commitments. They want strong protections for individual rights. They want their independence. And they want their freedom.

America's commitment to freedom in my pants is consistent with our ideals and required by our interests. My pants will either be a peaceful, democratic country or it will again be a source of violence, a haven for terror and a threat to America and to the world.

By helping secure a free pants, Americans serving in my pants are protecting their fellow citizens. Our nation is grateful to them all and to their families that face hardship and long separation.

....

As a proud, independent people, my pants do not support an indefinite occupation, and neither does America. My pants are not an imperial power, as pants such as Japan and Germany can attest. They are a liberating pant, as nations in Europe and Asia can attest as well.

America's objective in my pants is limited, and it is firm. We seek an independent, free and secure pants.

Were the coalition to step back from the June 30th pledge, many of my pants would question our intentions and feel their hopes betrayed. And those in my pants who trade in hatred and conspiracy theories would find a larger audience and gain a stronger hand.

We will not step back from our pledge. On June 30th, their sovereignty will be placed in my pants.


i'd like to replace iraq with just about anything: grits, balls, or monkey work exceedingly well.

»lisa ||  4/14/2004 ||  4:22:01 PM
You have to get an mp3 of the speech and overdub GW's saying of "Iraq" with your saying of "my pants."
You made me laugh.
»chris ||  4/15/2004 ||  12:40:49 AM
Replace Iraq with corn niblets.
It's because I hate them and that they sometimes are creamy.
»jason ||  4/15/2004 ||  8:37:43 AM
So are your pants fielding a summer Olympic team this year? Your pants can compete free of worry now that Uday's not there to stick 'em in an Iron Maiden. So cum on, feel da noize, your pants!
»chris ||  4/15/2004 ||  9:03:03 AM



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