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post #583
bio: rich

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Seven People Mark Foley may accuse of abusing him (if he was me and I had been abused)

Seven People Mark Foley may accuse of abusing him
(if he was me and I had been abused)

Department Store Darth Vader
As a child, we went to Belks and saw Darth Vader. If I remember correctly, he was in the perfume/make-up section of the store. I assume that is where he shops a lot... you know, for all his lady friends.

Darth autographed a photo of himself for all of us children.
"Darth Vader"
I was just surprised that the concept of autographed photos was big in the Star Wars universe. I have never seen a single mention of this on Wiki/Wookie-pedia.

I think he may of used his force choke thing to squeeze my bottom from afar.

Camp Counselor that looked like Buck Owens
I went to the YMCA day camp one summer and there was one counselor that I really liked and I remember he looked sort of like a teen Buck Owens. That's nuts!!

The Priest at the Catholic School I went to for a year
Oh my god! I was abused!
In my town during the early 80's all the crunchy moms were nervous about the middle schools and their packs of inner city non-wheat bread eating wild children. Many parents pulled their kids out of the middle schools and enrolled them in private schools until high school (the high school was a fine school - and full of foxes! yea!).
I got pulled out of middle school which was good because the next day I had to turn in some sort of bug project for science class (the project where you crucified bugs on a board) and had not done the project.

Somehow I went on to attend a catholic school even though I wasn't catholic or particularly church going.
The point: Academically it was the worst.
Even as a retarded, soda-pop filled hyper monkey boy from public school I came there with more schooling skillz.
The priest in question only showed up for Wednesday Mass so had very little time to abuse me.

Did I mention the girl in the 8th grade named Candy who wore mini-skirts. Oh my.

My childhood dog
Duke, while a sweet and stupid golden retriever, went through a pretty vigorous juvenile campaign of humping my brother and I.
That's abuse, right?
He weighed 95 pounds and if you happened to find yourself in the backyard (which, duh, we always were in) you'd be victim to his sexual assault.
Because of this, I often proposition my wife via instant messenger.

The Sunday School teacher who didn't mind Black Sabbath
Of course! That makes sense. I am sure he abused my during my bi-annual attendance in Sunday School.
Oh, Sunday School - how I hated thee.

The rub was that all my friends were some sort catholic or presbyterian or hippy sun-worshipers or unitarian. Not methodist.

It was like they built a church and filled it with kids that annoyed me to end. One day we had a discussion about something and this girl was like, "and bands like Black Sabbath are evil! Black Sabbath! Black Sunday!" and the teacher was all like, "listen hyper-girl who annoys that skinny kid to no end... I listened to Black Sabbath at college. They aren't so bad."
Lines were drawn.

I suspect Stu took a time machine back to 1978 and threw rocks at me.

Candy the girl in the 8th grade who wore mini skirts
In the 8th grade she and this other girl decided that everyone should start hugging each other. Boys were getting cornered in empty classrooms for hugs.
These hugs were very close and just a few seconds longer than normal hugs.
Yea, that was pretty much the closest I came to sexual abuse.
Deliciously hot sexual abuse.

Stupid Disclaimer: Now, I am not making light of people being abused. Or I am, but not. It's just that this Foley guy seems like such a douche.

this is superb!
»n8 ||  10/18/2006 ||  12:53:18 PM
very funny and clever. and i mean that sexually.
»lisa ||  10/18/2006 ||  1:51:56 PM
I thought too thought this was very funny and as a child thought those YMCA day camp counselors were hot.
»anne ||  10/18/2006 ||  5:22:58 PM
and Mark Foley is a douche, but not as douch-ey as his bosses.
»anne ||  10/18/2006 ||  5:26:11 PM
ugh ugh Mark Foley. and this was hilarious! because hey, let's all cry sex abuse when caught redhanded.
»vera ||  10/18/2006 ||  9:36:38 PM
Don't you think that (NY1's) Pat Keirnan looks like a young Buck Owens, too? And that Roger Guy that he always joshes with is Roy Clark. NY1 is a regular Hee Haw on the Hudson.

»dorf ||  10/20/2006 ||  1:15:42 PM
I appreciate your disclaimer, even if you thought it was stupid
»robotfan ||  10/21/2006 ||  1:01:13 AM

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