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The Norfolk Pine was officially dead - all the branches were now brown. She had been impressed. It had made it 14 months.
She was depressed. It was so close to home.
It was all going to suck for her.
It was sucking for her. She sucked.
Today, she walked around the neighborhood four or five times wearing her puffy yellow vest and felt heavy and dull.
This was obviously depression, and she diligently took the pills. They did nothing for her - or maybe they did god forbid. She was supposed to go downtown tonight - that would be a heady two days in a row on the party circuit, but she could barely lift her fingers off of the keyboard. Her fucking feelings had ruined it for her again, and this time she was older. Did it hurt more? did it matter. it hurt.
She was kind of cognizant of the two month anniversary of their ending coming up on the 28th. It meant time had passed, and they claimed that it healed all the wounds. The houses she passed in the early evening all had their televisions on. She couldn't turn on the television because it always still reminded her that she had squealed like a pig.
"you don't want me!"
"What are you getting so worked up about?"
"You're shopping for other women?"
"Maybe you'll win and be the best one."
"I've tried so hard."
"Maybe you shouldn't have."
One of the neighbors had one of those old lady bushes - was it a camellia? with bright pink flowers. The falling petals created a skirt like bottom on the grass.
"Why couldn't you have asked me or told me or tried?"
"Look. I told you from the beginning - me showing up means it's a compliment. I kept showing up."
"Yeah, but only the one day"
"Look, you've sent me enough texts, and I understand the weekend lover lyric in purple rain. It's probably going to be good for you to find other things to focus on."
"Thanks for Wordle"
"see, now you're thinking. you're welcome. I wish good things for you."
"I wish you had stayed."
"Well, if wishes were cookies, the brits would have biscuits"
She put her head on her arms and hoped that she could maybe go out next Tuesday. Maybe. Tonight, there was a record shop playing psychedelic inspired music. She thought it was interesting, but the steps to get there
It wouldn't work. The thought of taking the sweatpants off and putting on real clothes made her almost weep.
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