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Whatever is Something

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post #69
bio: kristen

first post
that week

Category List
The ones about love
The ones about men

Previous Posts
Dutch Ultimatum
The Ludditette
Friday Party #347
The Wizard of Uz
Taking One 4 the Team
Leap and the Net Will Appear

I was going to quit smoking today. I am angry at the cigarettes as they just are stupid and stupider.

But then, I was so angry and coursing with pent-up untraceable as to the source rage. I bought a pack of smokes. They were out of my 'usual' orange, so appropriately, I had to go red.

I am starting a job tomorrow.

After nigh three years of solitude and silliness, it is here. I got the offer an hour after my second interview on friday.

What the hell.

So it begins. Fuck.

I also decided that I'm not in love.

I'm angry.

I have decided that I most assuredly have turned this probable smarmy dumbass into the 'this one'.

It saddens me, and this angers me.

Honestly, I only knew dumbass for perhaps five hours. I thought I saw the thing that I see in my soulmates in him, but I was mistaken.
Again, my judgment - upon which my entire confidence resides - has been shaken.

I was wrong. This saddens me.

It would be nice to have someone tell me that I am amazing. It would be quite fun to make love to someone that I am fascinated with.

Cheating on my husband it would officially be, but this is all a matter of semantics. How could I cheat on an ending at this point?

This makes me angry.

It makes me angry that I hurt mark. It makes me angry that I don't get to be loved. It makes me angry that all of this is hard. It makes me angry that my friends know nothing of how I feel. I decided today that I have chosen people to be my friends who are either hopelessly in unrequited love with themselves or have a wall against those scary, painful things called communication and emotions.

I am sure this is merely a spew. Don't we all think that we are the only one who cares about others and it's never turned to us?

I am hot with anger.

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