So, Friday. Here you are. It is July 8th, 2005. I seem to be stuck in 2001. I always want to write that date. So Friday, here you are. This is what I live for. You are what I hang on 'til. What will you usher in? I know that I can just hang on until the end o' day and then the glorious uninterrupted glory of two days of free time - recess.
Are you mad at me that London leaves me cold? I have tried to muster up anger, shock, and disbelief. As always, I think of the people that have died of poverty, AIDS, war, dispair, etc. I liked the Star Trek war where the people fought with computer models of who would win (of course it was quite bizarre that the people who "hypothetically" died went into death chambers like good citizens). War? What is it good for? Will a John Lennon come forth and sleep in bed so all of us can watch for peace? Would such a thing be noticed/appreciated? Are we blase and herds?
I'm sure it's all repressed. All of my feelings on the rapid decline of western civilization are repressed. It's not the politics that get me all riled up, it's the humans like me who merely flail and rail. I can't explain.
I don't have internet ability at home, so this must all be stolen time at work.
I feel a haze over all of my senses. Last night, I curled in bed and closed my eyes feeling alone as alone as alone as alone as alone...
I pictured myself growing old in a box... staying in the same place and disconnecting from it all. Would the lifeforce in me wriggle and scream to continue were I to be in such a situation? That would seem interesting.
I was hoping it was PMS because I didn't wake up with the terror. I just performed the movements with compunction and walked out of the house to the car. No strange fear gripped me.