In Georgia now. Hiding from the missiles. I just took a walk around the lake near my parent's house (well, a stepchild must always clarify really - or rather I do - my stepfather and mother). whatever, I've realized my weaknesses. I'm selfish in the extreme - craving my alone time. In fact, I'm rather amazed that I'm allowed to drink a beer (to my dead homies) and type this brief (will it be?) account from the front.
Red and green. I'm wearing all red - tacky and puffy. The land is very hilly here. The small lake is always comforting to me. Like bjork and other things, it's something that is a (for lack of a better term) watermark. I have walked around it so much and in so many moods that I can picture depressed 21 year old kristen - i can walk with her and see things from this 34-year old kristen's eyes.
I'm sorry. I really don't have anything beautiful or writerly to say. You are a touchstone. I am reaching.
It's rather a different feeling being alone with your family. I realize I have used mark to keep me grounded. In his absense, I have to assert myself more. Before I embarked on my walk (listening, the twins are interested in the dog which I set them to brushing for christmas - good plan), I said to my mother when she tried to get me to wait and go with someone else: "i have to go now, so I'll be in a good mood".