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I make a harsh immediate judgment on people when I first meet them. I label them entitled or not entitled. Entitlement people start sentences with "I deserve_____" [fill in the blank with a raise, a vacation, more love, cashmere, respect etc]. Some of my friends are entitleds, as are about half the people I've dated and most of my family. Entitleds are hard in restaurants and in hotels. They complain to waiters and desk clerks and the injustice of a drafty window seat or a noisy hotel room can ruin meals or whole mornings of vacation.
I can't stand entitlement. To a fault probably. I overcompensate for my overreaching comrades by silently chewing the cold soup, refusing to ask for refunds, making excuses for others when I even sense they won't be able to live up to the basics of love.
A smart friend of mine said that she hates all the "I deserve" comments because they are so small. That what was really maddening about every, but I deserve a new car! is a whimpering underbelly of a question: is that it? is that really all you deserve?
One of my favorite books as a child had a chapter called: What it means to be a wanter. Young girl Robin, big family, jalopy truck, migrant workers, California, the Depression. Think Steinbeck with pictures. Robin had an older sister always asking for little treats from cash-strapped Dad: nail polish, candy etc. Robin never asked for such frivolity. But Robin wanted a house and a yard and to go to one school. She wanted a childhood. And every time Dad had to move the bedraggled family to one more temporary fruit picking shack, Robin filled the broken down truck with her silent wanting. After complaining again about her sister's petty demand for hair ribbons or some such thing, Dad finally called Robin out: you're the real wanter in this family.
What does it mean to be that kind of wanter? To never ask not because you're some bigger contented person, but because what you want is just so much.
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