Through kind happenstance, my lovely wife Joanna and I are paid models in the current issue (March 2008) of Real Simple magazine. Subscribers have had it for weeks, so I've received a few calls from friends and family, and been stopped by a couple of neighbors--for some reason only men claiming their wives subscribe and pointed me out to them (yeah right). Anyway, that's all fine and good and real and simple, but I saw the photos just now for the first time, and they're flattering and professional and all, but they photoshopped my facial hair. Yes, friends, they stole my soul patch, and I'm afraid they took part of my lips too. (Damn that clone stamp!) My mouth looks all thin and alien and lipless. If you don't know me it's no big deal, but that's not my mouth. It's also not my dog, my townhouse, or my pajamas. Although I really should have kept the pajamas as they were cool. I kept the socks.