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She was trying very hard not to feel like old fool of the century. that Katherine Hepburn movie in Venice hits a little too close to the mark.
And again, she sang the lament "to be rejected is one thing but to be rejected by a fool is cruel"... it was the most she could text "like I give a fuck" ringing in her head.
and then she checks herself:
"bitch, you thought this man was a ferret. he disgusted you. every time he showed up, you thought 'maybe this will be the night I break up with him'... this man has thrown you a bone - now you can have a legit excuse."
dear short fat professor, you were my entree into this society such that it is. you only introduced me to one person - a bartender - but maybe it will all be ok. my favorite part was thinking that I was going to break your heart - again just the delusion I had with Andrew. eerie. when you texted me in response to my question "oh, I do have a complicated relationship with Jen. The whole town is getting tired of will they/won't they" - dude, that was it. I'm fine with many things - but if I'm going to lower my standards, I better be worshipped in the bargain.
she laughed.
what a shock. she was a recovering fucked up mess but still a fucked up mess - what a shock she'd attract player after player...
when she was one.
you play, you win. you play, you lose. you play.
there was an infinite empty sadness to all of it, yet the day was gorgeous and the birds sang and the sun set.
the other one had said "I don't think I'm what you want"...
what did she want?
someone to talk to. someone who laughed at the same things. someone who drove her mad with curiosity. someone who she wanted to talk infinity with. someone who had a passion. someone who cared. someone who like bonfires and honeynead or at least liked to see her face so happy....
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