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She had to wear sweaters in the morning now. It was weird as it had all started on September 1st as if that was the signal for autumnal style. The fucking orange cat awoke her at 4:45am, but she tried not to be too pissed to suffer the ramifications of her own actions, and the fucker was so so cute. At times, it curled up in her arms like art.
After watching the light arrive, she drug out the three-day old watermelon from Aldi's - the last one of her season. It tasted crisp, and she loved it with Maldon salt. She was washing the sheets - after debating whether she could morally get away with not doing so - in preparation for her mother. It all of the sudden transpired that she would be introducing - most likely - a new man to her mom.
"So, before Jeopardy comes on, tell me all the deal-breakers - all the fears you have."
"Well, I also want to see the tail of 'wheel of fortune' and wasn't sure this convo would be going on so long."
"well, I do ramble son. out with it - what would make you not come."
"well, will there be a bathroom for me to use?"
"there are 7 and a half baths. yes. what else." she was staccato waiting for this bizarre possibility to fizzle fast.
"am I going to have to be nice to your mom. will there be drama?"
"oh, I can assure you there will be drama, and my mom will be the passive aggressive patriarch."
She didn't tell him in this convo, but she had in prior ones, that this was her Mom's birthday party.
"what did you mom say about all this?"
"she was a good sport and said - let me see if I can quote her - this will be an odd grouping of people."
She put her sweater back on.
"where do people fish? is there an ocean?"
"we are not near the beach, but there are many many ponds - one is right across the street that my brother walks to."
later.
"Ok, I'm 95% certain that I'll come. I can't ever be 100% on anything."
"well, I'll plan on your coming, yet if you don't - know that I would never want you to do something you didn't want to - if you don't want to come, I don't want you there."
And this new man had mentioned that he was on some spectrum, but he was over the age of 55. She thought he had to know that meeting her almost entire family was not a tiny thing. She wondered how anyone could be that bold. Would she? and then she realized that she would totally have done it - if he had asked her to meet his family for a party - even if she had to drive five hours - she would do it.
She just didn't know he would, and she didn't understand what it meant. Was he just bored?
The thought of him meeting her family and the excitement of it all made her stay up to the lofty hour of 10pm. Today was going to be a big day for her - lots to clean up and prepare.
Mom was probably going to be a bit perturbed - even though she could never admit it without a ton of poking around the bush - yet her daughter brazen-ed it out. In a way, the daughter trumped the nephew anyway - in the line of succession - so he was more the interloper. Narcissi never had partners it felt like - or when she did, it was fucking fake Andrew. It would be wonderful to have someone else play the part of third/fifth wheel. She had definitely done her time in that social jail.
She couldn't stop yawning, and she didn't know how to solve all her problems, but she also couldn't wipe the smile off her face.
Then, she'd remember the thing she would have to eventually tell him.
"do you like me really - or is this just something to relieve your rut/boredom?"
"both"
"well, I guess it's time for the dealbreakers if you'll allow me to profess or is it confess?"
"OK."
"I've thought so much about how to tell you. With my first husband, we discovered it together. My second husband, he just wiped it away and acted like I never said anything until he could use it against me. It's not something I tell just any yahoo who thinks I'm worth a kiss."
"OK."
"So, when I tell you this, it's a risk that you'll walk away and never see me again. I so wish I could NOT tell you, but it's not something that I'm comfortable treating like nothing anymore. I have to acknowledge that I inherited a disease from my father - I have this defective mechanism inside me that when things fuck up my system - my paradigm - I don't have the ability to bring it back into balance and a bunch of chemicals release into my system and I think I'm some superhuman. This has happened four or five times in my life. After that, and for most of my life, it's depression that is the daily beast. You like a bunch of comedians that have it, and you like carrie fisher and Catherine zeta-jones maybe? and I have to take medication for the rest of my life like an epileptic. fuck. here it comes. I have bipolar disorder. I'm crazy, and I take medication every day to try to control it."
"well, that's a little more than I was wanting to take on at this stage in my life and with my kids in the mix."
"ok."
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