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bio: victoria


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10 reasons why I HATE the holidays
Monday, December 20, 2004

› by victoria

I was wrong. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. I hate the holidays, I really do. They force me to go through December in a bind of trepidation, scared that I will make a miss-step and cause everything to come crashing down on my head. It was like this at home (when my parents had their annual Christmas fight--my dad loved christmas, my mom hated it, and every year I thought they'd divorce, but they didn't) and now it's like it now, because I can't seem to do anything to shake off this bad luck.

Top 10 reasons why I'm really depressed:

1.)I just got back from the college bookstore, where I was going to sell my 2 remaining textbooks back, hopefully for enough money to last us through the New Year. But the very rude employees made it clear that my 2 books were the "old editions" and so I didn't get ANY money and I still have these lame books that I don't want, and now we have only $5.00. Yay!.
2.)B.F. is probably going to have to sell his car, aka our only source of transportation and our biggest asset, because he can't pay to re-register it in Wisconsin for 2005 and it still has California plates AND we have like, $500 and more in parking tickets so we couldn't ever possibly pay those.
3.) the $90 electricity bill that we can't pay
4.) The $500 Cingular thing, which is really that much and I don't know how in hell we're going to pay for it.
5.) the Fact that we can't mail or give Christmas presents to anyone at all makes me feel incredibly helpless and pathetic.
6.) Cleaning out the apartment yesterday, which almost degenerated into a disaster, as B.f. was of the opinion that it would never be clean and we were just wasting our time trying to clean it...
7.)The rent. I have $152 in my checking account, my paycheck coming up is going to be anemic (i don't know why they always get more and more weak when I need them most) and so the remaining difference is going to have to be made up for by the...
8.) Korg that my boyfriend is selling on Ebay, which is currently going at $290 but is worth a lot more and it breaks my heart when he has to sell his stuff because it's not fair since he's doing his damndest to...
9.) Find a job, but he's applied literally everywhere that is supposedly hiring, and because it's the damn holidays or who knows why, he's not getting calls back, so...
10.) I hate the holidays.

I'm blessed with good health, but for how long?
I'm learning the difficult perspectives on everything now. A couple of reasons to be happy would be nice. I hope everything works out. I mean, I try so hard but it always seems like life is kicking me in the gut every time I try to get up on my feet. So what if I've shown my parents that I can succeed in school and get A's and AB's while moving out and doing my own thing? I love my b.f. with all my heart, and that's all I'm getting for Christmas.
Anyone who can name some miraculous things that could happen serendipitously to make me happier, a la "It's A Wonderful Life", gets a special prize.

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