good morning, thursday, at like 6 AM. Ouch, 5 hours of sleep. I am so, so tired right now. And the best part about getting to work godawful early to open up at 7:45 AM --besides being a commuter student so having to slog through 6 blocks of slush and catch the bus for a 35 minute bus ride -- is getting to work uber-early and discovering that your older sister sent you an email which reads like this, verbatim--her email is in italics, my occaisional responses in regular: Victoria,
I just received a phone call about "an urgent personal financial matter of your sister's."
Please call LaTonya at 1-800-530-2613 ext. 203 as soon as possible.
I was shocked to find that you've been buying things like underwear and guitars on Ebay when you have a mounting debt. (wtf?) Also, B.f. was seen at Pick N Save in Shorewood with Robin in the front seat (it could've been 'cause we were all going to the grocery store TOGETHER as a fun errand and I had to sit in the back seat with the groceries because it's hard to sit back there anyway so why make my guest squeeeeze into the back seat?!)I think you are having parties, when you stand in dire peril.
Me, have PARTIES?!
Pinocchio never did like Jiminy Cricket, and I hate to play that fiddle to your tune, but every life has a price: you either pay before or after, and you are mounting up one huge bill.
In closing, "spending time with family" in your cartoon--that was sad.
Seriously, all painful memories aside, you better call that number. I really hope you wake up.
Love, (Older sister)
Why does life have to yank my chain like this? I guess I have to call Latonya, so I will, but DAMMIT, I am so totally on the verge of a complete breakdown. How can my family be so goddamn mean? I'm scared that someday they'll find out that I write this happyrobot blog and make me stop, the same way that they made me stop writing my cute little weekly email blogs "the Latest Scoop" to all my friends, and the way they didn't like my 'zine, and the way they don't like pretty much anything I do or did. The more i think about it, the more I'm glad I moved out. I just don't know what to do now that I got this menacing email; it's bloody scary, is what it is.
I can't balance schoolwork AND an internship AND my sadly way-too-part-time-job if I feel like I want to kill myself all the time, and that's what's going down when I feel like I'm doomed to failure, and my family wants me to fail. That's the worst part.
I don't know what I'd do without those glimmers of the happy people in my life. Shit, I'm crying at work...at least it's too early for anybody to be here besides me and Casey (one of my four managers). Thank you so much, Katie, for going out for coffee with me yesterday--and then surprising me like crazy when we went to Walgreen's, me with the simple intent of getting a loaf of bread, and you ended up filling up this cart-thing with all sorts of really good things. Those little microwavable food-meals were really delectable, and it was awesome to see the expression on B.f.'s face when I came home loaded down with goodies like a Camel from a Cecil B. Demille biblical epic.
And as for calling LaTonya, I'm hoping that maybe after I get out of my internship at 4 PM, I can go over to Robin's house to bolster my resolve and help put myself back together again when I fall apart.