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post #51
bio: katie
bio: victoria

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1/29/2005
11:27

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bleaaaggh
Saturday, January 29, 2005

› by victoria

something that didn't hit us until yesterday: Bf didn't get the job at the Co-op. I can't believe it. I still can't believe it, I think he was plenty qualified for it and it's ridiculous that they could hire someone else. He's been super-depressed since last night, and even though I've tried to cheer him up, I'm not really in a condition to cheer anyone up right now, seeing as I am dragging myself around and unable to give anyone a cheerful look. I am so pissed off in my nonverbal signals, in fact, that nobody would sit next to me on the bus (and that's saying something). Bleaaagh--the perfect onomonopeia for how I feel.

Anyways, there's always a potent mix of positives and negatives that make me all the more pathos-ridden. Allow me to explain:

POSITIVES: We are within $30 or $40 of making the rent, thanks to Jill and Robin's generosity, may their names be blessed for generations to come (and I sincerely mean that).

NEGATIVES: I am going to try to sell back any textbooks I can to make up the difference, and I am not sure this plan will work. but dammit, I need to do my best.

POSITIVES: Bf's christmas present, the 15,000 song DVD of Acapellas of various hip-hop, reggae, pop, rock songs, etc. came yesterday and he's been having a blast mixing around with it. Pretty much the only thing that makes him smile right now.

NEGATIVES: He's just so damn depressed that the world is seemingly against him and he's been looking, hard, for work for 2 or 3 months and he can't find it anywhere.

NEGATIVES: Even if we do make the rent for January, that still leaves February, the *shortest month* in the year so I don't know what the HECK is going to happen next...

NEGATIVES: I feel like something the cat dragged in and I'm here at work for 8 hours.

POSITIVES: Last night, Jill ordered pizza and I haven't had real pizza in like, forever, it was delicious. And we watched ALIENS 3 and SHOWTIME, the latter was hilarious, and had a great time.

NEGATIVES: I can't seem to shake the feeling that I am overweight/ugly and it's really annoying. Maybe it's the societal standards thing.

Saddest thing I have heard recently was B.f. this morning at about 1 AM, saying "We could get on food stamps, but I'm not the kind of person who wants to do that." It was tearjerking.

Plus I saw my older sister in person yesterday. I didn't cry or break down or get in a fight with her or anything, so I'm rather proud of myself. She said some Uber-insulting things, though, and kept thinking that by saying Bf was "the meanest person in the world" she could get me to mend my wicked ways. Katie, if you're reading this, I guess my older sister doesn't respect the "leaving the house privacy agreement" anymore (she talked to a certain colleague of yours named Rebekka, I'm not sure how you spell it though) so I could do what you advised, just tell people about my s(h)ituation to explain why I'm so stressed out and what-not.

So please wish me luck selling my books for rent money, and wish B.f. luck getting a job someplace (preferably someplace nice, or at least tolerable, because he's gone through a LOT at his past jobs).


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