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post #56
bio: katie
bio: victoria

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2/3/2005
09:22

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feliz anniversaire joyeuxrobots! (and some funny stuff too)
Thursday, February 3, 2005

› by victoria

Happy Birthday HappyRobot! This is completely, utterly the best website ever. I have to say this. Something else I have noticed is that there are, astrologically-speaking, a lot of Aquariuses and Libras on here. Which may account for the funky artistic streak, and the atmosphere of empathy which pervades this beautiful site. :-D Not that the other signs aren't good, they're great, it's just those 2 are my favorites.

That said, since yesterday, it's been insane. I think BF is snapping on me here. We are at the Dr. Phil point, because he is tired and can't ever seem to get sleep or a break. But if he thinks he doesn't get any sleep/breaks, I don't even know what my life is. I'm always running around like I've got an intravenous drip of Wal-Phed in my system. And I'm extremely tired, but I don't ever get breaks. Anyways, so I came home from school yesterday around 3 (I decided to surprise BF and get him some cereal, we were out of cereal, and I got a pack of Camels for Jill at Walgreen's) and B.f. was writing a cool song. Then he was making phone calls to potential employers, which was Insane because when he called outpost (*the co-op where he was supposed to be hired) they said that they were still trying to call his old job references and couldn't get through to them. Which sounds, to me, like he has the potentiality of being hired there (I am trying to avoid any hope here, but it springs eternal, dammit). So first BF tried calling his neighbor in California (*he worked at her Harry & David store during highschool) and she was on vacation, probably in Zambezi or something. Then he called his old boss Mark at FedEx, but he couldn't contact him because he only works from midnight-9 AM or some ridiculous shift like that. So please, please wish BF luck as he tries to call Mark this morning so that he can pass that info on to outpost.

BF also found this potential job at a driving school--and I'll admit most readily, he is a great driver, so he's going to go check that out. But yesterday, when I told BF that we were going to Robin's/Jill's house (and stopping at the bank to cash my paycheck) BF was upset. Very very upset. I don't think the driving helped, we were stuck behind a slow-moving bus and BF can't stand bad drivers. But he had some kind of emotional cathartic moment that made me really sad, and I still can't shake it (in fact, I was having like a mini-cardiac arrest before I tried to go to sleep last night, with my heart absolutely racing and going out of control, and he couldn't figure out why). After I got out of the bank/grocery store, BF vented. His basic gist:
1.) We don't have time to do fun things anymore
2.) You are too busy, and when you come home from work,you make me "busy" as well
3.) I don't have time for my music
4.) I don't have any friends, and you have lots of friends
And that kind of thing. I was just sitting there with tears streaming down my face. I felt so, so bad. I just can't even tell you. I feel like one of those women who have trouble balancing work and relationships, which is a scary feeling (I am prematurely old! Huzzah!). No, but seriously, I apologized for being too busy, and I said that we will make more time for his music, and I know that someday you, BF, will have lots of friends because you are cool and people like you and my friends are your friends, too. (*I wish we had lots of happyroboters near where we lived because that would be great, i think it would make BF feel more socialized or something).
By that time we were outside Robin's house. So after I kind've got my crying under control, we went inside and it was great to see Robin again. We watched "Around the World in 80 Days" together, gosh that movie is awful, and then we went downstairs to talk to Jill and have a smokebreak. We talked about my migraine headache of monday-tuesday and she agreed with BF that I need to relax. We folded some laundry, and chatted about this really interesting movie with Jeremy Irons in it whose title I can't remember, and then we went back upstairs with Robin to watch the incredibly shitty movie "Dragon Fighter" which was found in the clearance DVD bin at Blockbuster. OHMIGOSH it was such an awful movie, the specialfx were abysmal, the acting was almost worse, the genetic lab included computer joysticks spraypainted purple. Plus the box was a complete snare and a delusion--I don't see how ONE cgi dragon could possibly destroy the world. Yes, it was a real gem. After the movie, we said "hasta la vista" and headed home at like, 11:45 and I took a bath/shower and we tried to go to sleep, except I was having the previously mentioned mini-heart attack. But I relaxed... relaxed enough, infact, to miss my alarm clock this morning and be woken up by BF at 6:50 AM. This was a DISASTER since i have to be at work by 7:45 AM, and my bus commute is 30 minutes, and I could never get ready that fast, certainly not as groggy as I was at the time... So BF woke up to give me a ride as well, and he was looking for his old fedex business cards to find Mark's phone number, but he couldn't find them, and the frustrating thing is that I know I could find the business card if I wasn't in such a damn rush all the time. Went to gas station, I got gas, energy drink for BF, cigarettes for me. (so healthy, I know, but I'm already beating my chest and "mea culpa-ing" up the wazoo, so that's about the least guilt-inducing thing I am doing right now). I sincerely wish I could take a day off to spend time with BF and just have fun. Hopefully today will fly by until 4:30 PM when I get home...at least we can watch "THE OC" together. And hopefully he'll have called Mark, and he's going to drive to the Driver's Training job possibility today as well, so I think that
watching "THE OC" counts as Quality Time.


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