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01.05.05
I admit to itching for drastic change a few weeks back. I was feeling a suffocated and caught. Happy in my new dwelling but shell-shocked to reach a new level of maturity.
After all, who am I to be married, with a steady job and a house? Am I really qualified for this kind of adult lifestyle? While always very responsible (I am the oldest child after all) there is a big part of me that is still terrified of making commitments, growing up and getting old.
When the tsunami hit my self-pity party was shattered. I can't even imagine what people who suffered losses or perished went through. I am reminded (at the moment anyway) incredibly grateful for all the happiness and successes I've enjoyed to date.
In setting up my office in our new place, I came across numerous old letters. Throughout my life I have cultivated some intense relationships that for some reason or another fell apart, usually leaving me burnt and aching. Reading those letters was painful. I had terrible dreams for days.
This week I have also received a number of wonderful e-mails from old friends and new ones that totally made my day.
I am so fuckin' lucky.
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