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02.17.05
Sad that my Zeida Nathan is nearing death and there is nothing I can do. He turned 96 on Tuesday and has lived a full life. He has been weak for a long time but in the last week he has refused any food or drink. He is such a sweet man. As a child, he taught me the aleph bet and used to sing me oyfen pripetchik when i sat on his knee.
Mostly, I feel for my dad, his sisters, their mother and our whole family. I am overwhelmed by their hurt and suffering. Being far away leaves me feeling isolated and helpless.
Comforted that he is at home, in bed, with his family surrounding him with love.
Selfish for getting caught up in my own dramas. I was super pissy this morning because I bailed on a run due to domestic squabbling.
Megabitchy for being so intolerant of the overtly insecure or dull. I should rot.
Guilty guilty guilty for all of the above.
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