New  »   Post-Modern Drunkard  ·  Sunshine Jen  ·  Robot Journal  ·  Poop Beetle  ·  Gator Country
«« past   |   future »»

*As in "Welcome to" and where "Gator Country"
means "Los Angeles"

all comments

post #87
bio: mina

first post
that week

Favorite Things
· red wine, for the people.
· for donnie's knock at the door
· out for donnie

Category List
barely legal

before you get all excited about this house, make sure the homeowner inspection verifies the spiritual portal to brazil

my spiritual medium cousin talked my head off tonight. 

i hate weddings with no assigned seating.  i'm too busy yapping it up with the normals and then when it comes time to sit down, the only empty seat is near the crazy cousin or the crazy aunt that no one wants to sit with.  you know the one. mine claims that her house has a spiritual portal to Brazil. seriously.  i’m eating lasagna from a heater tray, and she’s telling me that she’s clairvoyant, but only at night in her dreams and that her house has a bed of crystals that a lot of Canadians have been using lately.  (you didn't think this story wouldn't include something about Canadians, did you?)  the spirits are telling her she’s going to move to Brazil, and I’m thinking the spirits are telling me that I should have put ranch dressing on my salad, this Italian dressing is no good.  i can’t wait until the spirits tell her it’s time to sell her house. imagine the listing:

SMASHING INTERIOR! Georgetown style living and walk to metro! Owner upgrades include granite countertops, hardwood floors thru-out, spiritual portal to Brazil, and lots of natural light! Sparkles inside and out!

Prospective Buyer: wait what? can you go back to that thing about the portal? what was that?

Real Estate Agent:
did I mention there’s lots of natural light?

forget the days on market, it has a spiritual portal to Brazil, people.  but is the owner taking that with her?  is that a fixture? does the seller disclosure specify that the portal is in fact operating and staying with the property? and is that covered by the homeowner warranty because i'm not going to buy a remodeled charmer if that portal breaks down right after we close and there’s no warranty on that thing.

on a happier note, at the rehearsal dinner there were brownies and cookies and when my dad saw my conversational pain, he left and returned with a six pack of Blue Moon that he plunked down on my table with a victorious look on his face that said you’re welcome.

«« past   |   future »»