it's a beautiful gesture, and it includes certain tax benefits i don't believe in marriage anymore. i think it's for the weak-minded: women who need more money or stability, men who don't want their families to think they're gay. i've given it a lot of thought, and here's my quickest answer: if you don't get married, you don't have to get divorced. i've seen enough people go through divorce to know that it's like another painful thing i've been putting off: having children. divorce is like shitting a bowling ball through your ass slowly for 24 hours. the second and third times may go a little faster, but it still hurts like hell.
marriage requires fidelity. at least that's what we say. but over half, maybe more, of married couples cheat. i've seen guys in las vegas recently with white ghost rings around their left hand finger. it's sad. i've seen women become a husk after letting themselves get defined by their husband for umpteen years until they forgot who they used to be, failed to grow, forgot their own power. marriage creates two people who watch everbody loves raymond. and i know that infidelity makes slinks and cowards of men: men who are afraid of their wives, afraid of alimony, afraid of being something else to their kids, when the truth is right under their skin, dragging folds of it down with the weight of it all.
why get married? a friend of mine said, "sometimes that's just what happens." what just happened to me last week: i bought a motorcycle, i got my haircut, i accidentally stepped on my dog's paw. what usually doesn't "just" happen: sex, buying a house, and um, getting hitched. when i pressed him for a more definitive answer, he acknowledged that the purpose of marriage is really "for the kids" -- oh, and not having to ho around until he's 60 plus.
and so that there will be dinner on the table at night.