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Klutch.xls: Saddam Tech Time

Back in the days when a strong America would laugh at the thought of disasterous terrorist attacks on our home soil and quibble over how many body doubles Saddam really had, our Government merely imposed sanctions on Iraq as opposed to "staying the course" and "dragging them Iraqis outta their goddamned rat holes." You could sit back in your hammock and crack open another cold one as the news reported that the sanctions on medicine were killing hundreds (100's) of thousands (1000's) of innocent Iraqi women and children.

I remember also a report that due to sanctions on computer equipment, Saddam was buying all the Playstation2's in the world in order to build some kind of super-computer that would bring down the evil empire once and for all (or perhaps he was anticipating the inevitable arrival of FinalFantasy X-2.)

Well, here are some of the things Saddam could have done had he been able to access a nice 486 with a fairly simple software package:

* If Saddam knew PhotoShop, he could have used the cropping tool to give his beard a little trim

* If Saddam knew PhotoShop, he could have selected an area, dragged the corner a bit, and given himself some more room in that tiny little hole.

* If Saddam knew PhotoShop, he could have used the magic wand tool to select all that boring brown down there and changed the color in his hole to Perriwinkle, and if he got bored of that, he could choose it again and select a comforting Rose.

* If Saddam knew PhotoShop, he could have cut out a box of Hostess Cupcakes from a different picture, pasted it into his hole, and then flattened the image. A tasty treat to supplement his Hot Doggs!

*If Saddam knew MicroSoft Money, he could have turned that $750k into Millions, with a bit of smart investing.

*If Saddam knew Excel, he could have changed his name to Saddam.xls

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