2001:June:26
2001
You know the one thing I would hope my mother understands? She thinks I'm this genius who pee-ed it all away and lives like a loser (although how happy she is that I'm married and not pregnant and poor). OK, I'm not this big corporate hot-shot. I'm not a famous writer who got famous writing a prince of tides-type story about her family's life. I'm not a catalog model. I'm not even lower middle class on my own income. You know what I am? I am someone who's seen the abyss, and I learned from it. I don't know why I think this as my lessons/troubles don't seem extraordinary, but I do. Everyone around me seems to have more than me. Greg has more brains. Kent has more looks and a high-paying job. Rich and Rachel have more money and urban stimulation. Bo and Jill have all the things my mother wishes I had(and this may be why I cut them no slack). Val and Sandy have a reciprocal outlet for their creativity. Karen has more looks and ambition. And on and on and on. You know what big gift I have? I have the ability to see a bit under the surface, the gift of knowing myself, and the gift for connecting things. It sounds like nothing doesn't it? That's why I couldn't see it for the longest time. Oh yeah, I also have the gift of knowing that I could be complete bullshit for all I know.
