ornithopter: Proselytizing Paper Towels

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ugh. that is so five years ago rhode island is weird

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So I bought a couple of rolls of paper towels the other day. I never look at the package, I just make sure they're not the cheap ass CVS brand and grab whatever's closest. I don't ever notice the designs, or lack thereof, on them. Does anyone ever look at this stuff? Apaprently not, because somehow the good people at Bounty (or Viva, or whatever the hell I bought) have gotten all spiritual on yo' ass while you weren't looking. The towels I bought are covered with vaguely Christian phrases like "Peace be with you" and "Life is full of joy" or some such drivel. All very non-denominational, but all very bible belt at the same time. As a god-hating, secular humanist Massachusetts Liberal, I was deply offended. How dare they wish me peace? And how can I experience peace when I'm using their towels to pick up big piles of cat vomit anyway? Unfortunately, I threw out the packaging before I realized that this had made its way into my home, so I cannot write an outraged letter to Procter and Gamble or whoever made them. Next thing you know, my paper towels will be coming out against same-sex unions or abortion. I imagine that one day, I will be rinsing off a bunch of potatoes over the sink in a paper towel and, while the paper towel remains strong, it will also exhort me to have sex only for procreative purposes and burn all of my Marylin Manson records.

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ugh. that is so five years ago rhode island is weird

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