Dear person who stole my favourite cardigan at the Gladstone on Saturday night while I was dancing to some very good afro-funk music:
You suck! I really liked that sweater. I got it from my mom. It is mustard yellow and fitted with covered buttons. It fit me really well. It was one of the few colorful items I own and it made me happy everytime I put it on.
I know there are bigger stories in the world like dog-eating squirrels and cia-trained killer dolphins. But I am sad about the sweater. And sad that you stole it while I was dancing a few feet away.