8pm sleeping in mom's lap as she watches the red carpet and bemoans the fact that even Celine Dion seems to have been dressed by someone with taste. Why doesn't Nicole Kidman emote more? Oh man, her entire head is frozen. 9:00 Wake up, drink some milk, stare at the black stovepipe*, snooze some more. 10:00 hmmm Jennifer Hudson has some nutritious boobies. 10:05 pm: sitting on Dad's lap, now. I think am going to stare at that black stovepipe some more. Jack Nicholson shaved his head this year and went as a baby in a tuxedo. Why are so many people wearing tinted glasses inside? Note to self: get tinted glasses for baby bjorn excursions. 10:10 snooze 11:15 Helen Mirren also has nutritious boobies. Which reminds me...ahem? Would you mind? Do we really need a receiving blanket for this? Hurry up! 11:30 I am really glad that Martin Scorsese won for best director. His black eyebrows are like two horizontal stovepipes across his brow. 12:00 I got so excited that Scorsese won for best picture, I barfed milk curds on mom's sweater. Someone should have put a towel over her shoulder, but I am not going to name names, as she is busy loudly speculating why people always waste their speeches thanking God and dead people. And I agree. I mean, IF there is a God and IF dead people can hear us, they KNOW we are thankful. Why not thank live people, who would at least get street cred for having their names on mentioned before 1 billion people?
* Perhaps it's his infant myopia, but for some reason Gabriel is transfixed by the high-contrast black stovepipe that runs along the wall off the gas fireplace. It is his happy place.