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post #336
bio: stu

wish list
first post
that week
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Favorite Things
· The Flaming R. Kelly
· Malfatti
· Johnny Cash
· Chuck Klosterman
· Deadwood, Seasons 1 & 2

Previous Posts
Notes on Sobriety
Republicans Are Tough Guys
Brain Fog
Clown Posse
Uber, but For Wrong Numbers
On the Greatest Political Satire of the 21st Century

February Smackdown

Category List
February Smackdown
Literary Shit
Mad Craziness
Random 10


Punch, Drink, Love
I haven’t punched anyone since Peter, Sophomore Year in high school. It was over a woman--one that neither of us were dating but both of us wanted to impress. Oddly enough, punching one of her friends is not the way to a woman's heart, and so we both stopped doing that.

Joy was a nice girl. She was a church girl and proper and yet still wonderful and she wouldn't let me swear around her. I have no idea why I thought a girl like that would fall for a guy like me, and apparently she agreed with that sentiment. I didn't know it at the time. Still, I don't know why I thought hitting Peter was the way to go.
  1. Talk to Joy
  2. Punch Peter
  3. ???????
  4. Profit!
From that point on, all girl-related violence I was caught up in was aimed at me. Principal of them was Bill, who came after me with a baseball bat because of lady-related issues and who allegedly sicced his frat brothers on me--that these brothers had no idea who I was undoubtedly helped me out, but it made a couple of weeks in college a little more uncomfortable than necessary. I've worried about one or two other guys coming after me with baseball bats since then, but it hasn't been as big of an issue.

I am a man who will fight for your honor--if I have to, and if it'll make any difference--but mostly I'm a man who will insult people to their face--for your honor--and then try not to get hit. Hitting or getting hit never, to me, seems like it's worth it or all that effective.

The people who try to hit me never seem to agree.

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