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post #41
bio: stu

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Favorite Things
· The Flaming R. Kelly
· Malfatti
· Johnny Cash
· Chuck Klosterman
· Deadwood, Seasons 1 & 2

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Notes on a Pandemic
Notes on Sobriety
Republicans Are Tough Guys
Brain Fog
Clown Posse
Uber, but For Wrong Numbers

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This Machine Humors Fascists
[This post comes pre-Godwinized]

A little history is necessary to put this in context, since I expect someone out there might want to chastize me a tad in about five paragraphs. I'm not trying to excuse or justify this, just to put it into context: the genesis of this post came at a work Christmas party a year ago. One of my co-workers was unable to attend, and the rest of us wanted to bring him something to assuage his disappointment at not being able to make it.

At this part, one of the highlights of dessert was a frosted six-sided star cookie, which we'd taken to calling "Jewish Cookies" early in the evening (this is not so smart, since at my work--an arts organization in New York City, a third of the staff is Jewish. Another third is gay, but that's neither here nor there: there was nothing we could readily identify as "Stonewall brownies", and anything more edgy than that is just begging for trouble). Regardless, these Jewish Cookies quickly became our Chosen dessert, not only because they were tasty, but also because they were a good punchline.

As the party was winding to a close, a friend and I decided it would be a thoughtful thing to find and bring some of these cookies back to our absent co-worker. When we were unable to find another plate of them, my friend commented, "I wonder if there are any more Jewish cookies around," to which I smirked and said, "They're probably just in the ovens."

I probably should have included on my Potentially embarassing things I shouldn't reveal... Post that I have an insane weakness for Holocaust humor. Sure, one of the worst tragedies of the 20th century, one of the low points in humanties darker history, and walking through Auschwitz is really one of the worst feelings I've ever had (next racous party you see me at, ask about my time there--it's a heartwarming and exciting tale of Bob Marley, the Final Solution, and lots of hankies)...but damn, if you include Mengele in a punchline I can't stop giggling.

My friend and co-worker--Jewish, if that makes any difference at all, walked away from me without a word, for the first time in our relationship.

This list came into being in collaboration with that friend, after he finally started speaking to me again. Just picture it as what we'd put in the theme restaurant if we'd managed to get set up in the Eagle's Nest, Hitler's Alpine retreat in Berchtesgaden.

  • Vichyssoise
  • Beer Hall Putsch Punch
  • Reichstag Fire-blackened Chicken
  • Blood Libel Sausage
  • Dachau Dog
  • Arbeit Macht Fries
  • Zyklon Beef
  • Auschweinerschnitzel
  • Ham-bergen-belsen
  • (Anne) Franks and Beans
  • Beef Riefenstahl
  • Goebbels and Gravy
  • Rommel-roni, with Goering Dumplings
  • Hitler Schnitzel
  • Kristallnacht Sauerkraut (usually known simply as "a side of kristall-kraut")
  • Mengele Tartare
  • Dessert is, of course, Jewish cookies. Or perhaps a nice flambe.
It's an uphill battle to get a restaurant started anywhere, but I really think we've got a theme that will stick in people's heads. I like our chances.

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